THE UNSUNG CRITIC: Champion for Struggling Writers

Why I've been away...

2008-06-16T04:45:00.001-07:00

Where have I been? Why haven't I posted? What's happening with the blog? When will I write new reviews?

I'm really, really, really, really sorry for disappearing, guys. These past few months have been filled with back-to-back commitments and other priorities.

First was dealing with my late father's estate. It's still going on, and it's exhausting.

Second was dealing with my moving into a new house. It's a nice place, though the mortgage payments often feel larger than the available square footage of the property.

Third, I've been working on a TELEVISION SERIES, and with the looming ACTOR'S STRIKE (!!!!) I've been working 'round the clock. Or at least I feel like I have been.

Finally, I'M GOING TO BE A DAD THIS YEAR! What wonderful news to share with everybody this Father's Day!

So I hope you can understand that the plates of my personal and professional lives have been quite full lately. I'll be back, though, and sometime soon. Promise.

I HATE SPAM!

2008-03-24T21:35:00.000-07:00

Tonight was the first chance I've had to check my emails in...wow, it's been too long to remember. If you're looking to punish me for my tardiness, rest assured, 1327 unread emails have already done it for you.

I'm not kidding. For while I'm pretty sure that at least 99% of those 1327 messages were spam, ads, or newsgroup posts, it's likely that a query or two could have been lost in the TRASH box.

So, for those of you who have sent me a query and not received a reply, please don't hesitate to resend your messages. I know it's an inconvenience, but with the move I've had to prioritize a lot of things, and this blog, as much as I love it, falls pretty low on my list.

Sorry about this.

Movin' right along...

2008-03-24T21:05:00.001-07:00

No, I'm not dead...though lately I've been feeling close to it.

My wife and I have been moving, you see. And moving sucks. It has cost us far more energy, time, and MONEY than either of us had anticipated, and my wife is pretty conservative when it comes to all our financial planning. (So much for the sexist stereotype of women being the heavy spenders in the family.)

I've moved several times in my life, but they all were either A.) When I was a kid, thus my parents handled everything, B.) When I was single and apartment-bound, and C.) When I had significantly fewer possessions (and pets) than I do now.

Here's the funny part: This is the hardest move I've ever been through, yet our new home is less than 20 miles away from our old one!

I'll post new reviews when the boxes have been unpacked and I revive from the coma I'm about to fall into.

The strike is dead....LONG LIVE THE STRIKE!!!!!!

2008-02-16T01:10:00.000-08:00

Well, it's finally over.

What a big, bloated, bloody mess. I'm very happy that the strike has ended, but...

Oh fuck it, time for a little honesty here: the damn strike wasn't worth it.

"So who won the strike?" you might wonder. It's a fair enough question, but the truthful answer is that nobody won. Sure, compromises were made, a middle ground was reached. But at what cost? The $2 BILLION in lost revenue? The thousands of people who've lost work?

And don't think that all will go back to normal now that the battle's ended. Television production is screwed up for the next year, and it will take months for any kind of normalcy to return to the industry.

Writer Harlan Ellison, a committed WGA member who picketed and protested with the best of them, has written this scathing piece about his feelings toward the strike and the compromises that were made. As sad as reading it makes me, it has a lot of harsh truth.

Yes, I'm glad it's over...just like I'll be glad when the goddamn war in Iraq is over. But don't expect me to clap my hands, to have my heart surge with warm patriotism, and to think that, in the end, the whole thing was worth it.

It wasn't.

An explanation...and regarding the WGA strike.

2008-02-04T00:38:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry I've been so infrequent with my posts these last few weeks. One would think that because of the strike I'd have nothing but time on my hands, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

The truth is that my dad died last year, and handling his estate has required my traveling back and forth across the country for weeks at a time. This is happening while my wife, bless her patient heart, is preparing our move to a new house -- our first.

So please, I humbly ask for your patience. You're still welcome to submit your queries, and I will read them. But new reviews are going to take me more time than I thought...and I have to prioritize things.

Speaking of the strike, rumblings are about that the end is finally in sight. Wonderful news...and how proud I am that so many stood in solidarity, shutting down the industry for months and putting so many people out of work, so that we all can get a few more pennies in our paychecks.

(If my humor offends, suck it up and deal. I did my part at the picket lines, even if it annoyed the shit out of me.)

Writers BEWARE!!! (Or, How the WL Writer's Literary Agency is a sham!)

2008-01-24T11:35:00.000-08:00

New reviews should be posted around the end of the month, but in the meantime I wanted to warn readers about some shady business dealings a so-called "agency" has been up to.

I've heard about this by two different aspiring screenwriters, both of whom asked to remain anonymous. However, in doing a bit of research on their stories I found that their suspicions were very, very justified.

Here's part of one of the emails I received. I'll let the screenwriter explain it himself:

Greetings Unsung,

I wanted to ask your advice on something. Recently I responded to an online ad by Writers' Literary Agency & Marketing Company (aka WL Writers' Literary Agency). The ad was very prominently displayed on MySpace.com, saying that they were a new agency seeking new screenplays to represent. Worth a look, I figured, so I followed their instructions, sent a query, and when they agreed to give the script a look I sent it over.

A few days later I got a very lengthy, form-letter email response from Sherry Fine, the company's VP of Acquisitions. Here's the first part of it:

Thank you for everything that we have received from you thus far. Our review team believes that your work has commercial potential and we would like to proceed further with you. We believe we would like to represent you. Basically, we feel that your concept and writing thus far has potential and that if polished and presented properly, we can sell it. To take the next step, please let us take a minute to tell you a little bit about how we think and the way we do business.

If you agree with our business process, instruction for the 'next step' is at the very end of the email.

...

I think you would agree that your work can use some level of polishing. However, we don't think you should take just our word for it, we would like to have an independent review of your work that shows you where the improvements can be made. Also, if your work is 'great and ready to go' it is helpful that we hear it from an independent source as well.

In short, we like it, and we think we can sell it, but we would like it to be as polished as possible before we take it to our buyers. From a trust factor, it's like an investor trusting a certified public accountant ... if there is an independent review on the table, we can each relax and trust each other, and spend our time strategizing marketing, not arguing over whether the work is ready to present or not. (And believe me, we've had quite a few arguments with authors about whether the work is ready-to-go, or not! It's not a good situation, and life's too short, if you know what I mean.)

What we have learned over the years is that nothing is more invaluable than having a unbiased, critical review of an author's work as a roadmap for bringing the work to market. In screenplay writing circles this is called critique/coverage. We want you to have a critique of your work. You might already have a critique of your screenplay, or you may need to get one.

The long-winded email continued, essentially saying that I had to get the script "polished" before they would be willing to do anything with it. But the strange thing was that they were trying to refer me to an "independent" editing service, and that I would have to pay for it out of my own pocket.

Is this normal? I've already had the script edited, tweaked, revised, and reviewed by many, many professionals over the years, and though I can understand if someone else wanted more changes made, wouldn't it make sense to simply state what those desired changes were, instead of merely passing me along to a third party, without giving me any input or feedback whatsoever and explaining why I was being passed along?

But here is where I got really suspicious. I sent an email reply to Ms. Fine telling her that before I could make any kind of decision, I wanted to talk to her -- or anyone else at her company, if it was more convenient -- and ask a few questions, either in person or over the phone. I figured that if the agency's interest in my work was truly sincere, this was not an unusual request.

I never got a reply.

So...what am I to do? Should I go ahead with the referral service and send Fine the script, or should I go elsewhere? (If you want to know, her email is Sherry@WLscreenplayAgency.com, and the company's website is http://www.wlscreenplayagency.com.)

Before I go on, let me say that the other screenwriter's story was nearly identical to this one, but she decided to go through with the editing service and submit her script. Alas, she did so before asking my advice...and she hasn't heard from them since.

So...is the WL Screenplay Agency a sham? Well, take a look at this message board. Or this one. Heck, even this one. See for yourself. These guys should be ashamed of themselves.

It is common practice for an agency rep to ask for changes or corrections for your material; for a spec script to be accepted "as is" and ready to go is virtually unheard of. Also, using a professional editing service to help polish and refine your writing can be a good idea, especially for writers starting out in their careers.

But for an agency (and I use the word "agency" loosely) to demand a writer pay out-of-pocket for such editing services as a condition of establishing a business relationship? That's shady! Shady indeed!

This isn't a real agency, guys. Real agents make their money through script sales, not editing services.

So, if someone claiming to be an agent ever asks you for an editing fee, a reading fee, a consulting fee, etc., take my advice: run for cover and stay far, far away. (That includes your $10,000 class, Michael Wilde.)

And before you send off your script with your hopes held high, do a little research first. WRITER BEWARE'S "THUMBS DOWN AGENCY LIST" is a good start.

If any of you have similar bad experiences with this or other companies, let me know and I'll be all too happy to bitch about them here.

Good luck...and stay cautious.

Casualties of war

2008-01-07T14:50:00.000-08:00

Looks like this year's Golden Globes ceremony is kaput, and that's a hell of a shame.

I'm sure to be in the minority on this, especially among fellow WGA members, but come on, guys...this is a freaking awards show, a venue where people in front of and behind the camera can get a little recognition and respect for their achievements. It's not all about starlets flaunting designer gowns and dresses, no matter how much attention the press gives them. In case you haven't noticed, screenwriters get awards there, too...

If this was about some Hollywood would-be blockbuster, with the studios and producers shafting writers from getting their fair share, I wouldn't feel so bad. (And don't.) But the Golden Globes, slight though they might seem in the company of Oscars and Baftas, were designed to celebrate movies, television, and the talents that went into them.

Think of it like the Olympics. Even during times or war, opposing nations would come together and put their politics behind them in celebration of sport. (Oh wait, there was that nasty business in Munich back in 1972... Glad to see we're all following that lovely example, even if it is just in spirit.)

Happy Holidays!

2007-12-23T14:23:00.001-08:00

Please accept my very best wishes toward a joyous and wonderful holiday season.

I'm in the process of reading a new batch of scripts, and promise to add more posts after the new year.

"Someday this war's gonna end..."

2007-12-07T23:48:00.000-08:00

...but it won't be anytime soon. The talks have collapsed.

Crap, crap, crap, crap. This looks like it's going to continue well into the new year, and everyone is going to suffer because of it.

Of course I'm with the writers on this...but at the same time, I hope those in charge of representing our cause will do so with open minds. It's great to have determination if stubbornness doesn't come into play. The livelihood of too many people is at stake -- and not just the writers.

On behalf of all of them this holiday season, please keep your fingers crossed.

Back in L.A.

2007-12-04T10:40:00.000-08:00

My wife and I spent the last few weeks in New York for the Thanksgiving break, and I hope each of you enjoyed the holiday as much as we did.

To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to my return to Los Angeles. The strike is still on, and despite a few meetings here and there, it looks as though it won't come to an end anytime soon.

The Broadway strike, on the other hand, came and went quickly. Perhaps because ticket sales are most crucial during the holiday season, the theatrical business people were more willing to set aside their differences and let wisdom prevail. Thank God, and them, for it, as the strike's end gave my family an 11th hour chance to catch a few shows.

But the corporate heads in Hollywood don't have such wisdom, and certainly not much empathy. Unlike the Broadway strike, which isn't just about a few shows running in a few theaters, but an age-old tradition so much a part of the identity and creative spirit of New York City itself, the WGA strike doesn't have roots in a community as much as it does in a business. And with that, it's going to be a long, hard fight -- one that I think everyone who works in this industry will suffer from, if not lose.

Now that I'm back, though, and with a lot more time on my hands, this is an ideal time for me to read and review your scripts. So, without further ado, let me at 'em!

On screenwriting format and queries

2007-11-08T11:42:00.000-08:00

Every time I say, "This will probably be my last post for a while," I end up writing a few more posts before finally breaking away from my computer. But with the strike, it's a strange, uncertain time, and writing here gives me a little comfort through the chaos. I've spent so much energy on reading and reviewing scripts these last few months, I haven't really talked about writing itself. So here I go...

There are scores of books out right now on how to write a great screenplay. Each one of them dishes out advice on structure, character, dialogue, blah blah blah. Some are more useful than others, true, but before you whip out your Borders or Barnes & Noble club cards, ask yourself: Have any of these self-proclaimed "experts" ever had one of their scripts actually produced?

(I throw that question out there with a bit of sarcasm. For here I, "The Unsung Critic," who may write somewhat condescendingly about other people's work, have yet to have any of my own work produced!)

I happen to believe that there is no gauranteed path to screenwriting success. No book or teacher can make you a great writer. Sure, they may impart wisdom and sage advice, but if you want to improve as a writer, sit down and write, write, write. Write until your mind hurts. Until your fingers are numb. And most importantly, get feedback on your writing. An objective, sincere opinion can do more wonders for improving your work than any class. (Even if it is that $10,000 class offered by Michael Wilde.)

Only you can make yourelf a great writer. But there are things -- easy and inexpensive to get -- that can make you a better writer.

First, if you're looking to learn more about proper screenplay format, let me recommend THE SCREENWRITER'S BIBLE by David Trottier. (I've never met Trottier, so don't think that he's paying me to say this.) It's a really great resource in the technical part of screenwriting, from how to break down a scene to the nitty-gritty of writing descriptions and action -- most valuable to novice and spec script writers, though I still refer to it myself from time to time. It also has a very useful section on how to write a good query...

Speaking of good queries, let me share with you Adam McDaniel's query for his script, HEAVEN SPENT. It's pretty well written, so much so that when it came time to publish the novel, the text was basically recycled for the book's back cover.

When Micah Cohen was five years old, he lost his parents to a horrible accident. He was convinced he would have died himself, had it not been for his guardian angel -- in the form of a little girl he never saw again.
Now, over twenty years later, Micah is living in the frenzy of Manhattan. With Christmas right around the corner and no one to share it with -- add a thankless job, no close family or friends, Micah believes that his life has become too hard, his existence too inconsequential. Sadly, he decides to end it all...but the attempt fails ridiculously.
That's just when Coltan pops up in the middle of Micah's living room. Possessing supernatural powers and a sadistic sense of humor, this bumbling "agent for
the afterlife" has come to collect Micah's soul. But there are two slight problems: Micah is still alive, and now has second thoughts about committing suicide. Reluctantly, Coltan must admit defeat.
Rejuvenated by his new lease on life, Micah's determined to set things right. One good thing comes in the form of Christine, a young homeless woman he befriends. But soon Micah learns that she is more than she appears to be: his childhood guardian angel, now grown up. (Naturally, they can't help but risk upsetting the cosmic order of the universe by falling in love.)
Yet this happiness may be fleeting. Just as Micah realizes how wonderful his life has become, Coltan reappears to inform him that his days are now numbered -- for Death Itself is hunting Micah down. And so Christine, ever the dutiful protector, must prepare to do battle over Micah's soul.
Can she save him? What does Death have in store? And who -- or what -- is Coltan? Is he really working for Death as he claims, or a force far, far more terrifying?
HEAVEN SPENT is a darkly satirical, modern-day urban fairy tale concerning the adventures of a young man coming to terms with life, death, and all their crummy consequences.

I liked this query because it's clear, concise, has a bit of a dramatic buildup, and ends with a light touch of whimsy. It's not a summary of the story so much as a sly sales pitch, enticing people to actually want to read it. Best of all, it doesn't get too bogged down in describing all of the story's subplots, and it doesn't give everything away.

On that note, keep your own queries coming! After I get back from NYC I'll have a bit of time on my hands.

Small wonder.

HEAVEN SPENT by Adam McDaniel

2007-11-07T11:11:00.000-08:00

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write about this, the 2nd place winner of our 2007 screenwriting contest.

The last week has been a nightmare. I’m sure many of you can understand. Yesterday was spent at one of the WGA picket lines (I dare not say which), and I have to put in a few more hours this week. I’ll be off to New York next week visiting some long unseen relatives, so this may be my last post for awhile.

Had I not known HEAVEN SPENT was written almost ten years ago (and already featured in another script review), I might have been suspicious of the similarities it shares with both Angela’s and Ian’s scripts. Like HELL FOR LOVERS, it is a twisted comedy about the afterlife, with some broad, silly laughs about heaven vs. hell…and like Ian’s BORN IN THE RAIN, it has parts that are tragicomic, bittersweet and surprisingly touching.

I’ll make no secret that I’m a fan of Adam McDaniel’s writing. Though I don’t think HEAVEN SPENT is as strong a script as IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THADDEUS THACKERAY, it’s still very, very well written, and that it was his first attempt at a feature length screenplay makes it all the more impressive. Even if some of his scenes run a bit too long, or seem too forced in a few places, he clearly has a flair for describing things in a visual, cinematic sense, as well as a strong ability to combine sentiment and humor without being too mushy or contrived. I liked it, and I liked it a lot.

Best of all, now that Halloween’s out of the way and Christmas is taking center stage in every Wallgreens and ShopRite in America, I can’t think of a better way to kick off the season than reviewing this…

HEAVEN SPENT
Screenplay by Adam McDaniel
Tel: 818-240-1756
Email: cinemalad5@aol.com
Web: adammcdaniel.com

Where to begin?

It starts with a prelude, featuring a little boy who survived a car/train collision in which his parents were killed. Barely clinging to life, he is saved when (from his point of view) a little girl walks toward him, kisses him on the head, and then flies away on a pair of shining wings. Was she an angel? A dream? Both?

Fast-forward twenty years. The boy, Micah Cohen, is all grown up, but now works as a thankless assistant within a large food corporation in New York City. Reduced to a virtual corporate punching bag, his life is lonely and miserable.

McDaniel’s script opens this up as an elaborate montage, with episode after episode of biting satire reminiscent of moments from OFFICE SPACE and BRAZIL to the opening of JOE VS. THE VOLCANO. Though I felt like I’d seen it all before, it was nevertheless genuinely funny and executed with a lot of panache.

But the humor takes a considerably darker turn when Micah, overcome with grief – it’s almost Christmas and, even though he’s Jewish, he hates the thought of spending another holiday alone – attempts suicide and fails.

From there, things get really, really complicated. Micah is unexpectedly visited by Coltan, an “agent for the afterlife” come ‘round to collect his soul. But as Micah isn’t technically dead yet, Coltan, still hoping to meet his monthly quota, tries to convince him into trying again…only now, Micah’s developing second thoughts.

This scene starts only about twelve pages in, so you can imagine what I was trying to make of it all. Unlike the demons in HELL FOR LOVERS, who really got on my nerves, Coltan is a genuine scene stealer. He’s the antithesis of Clarence in Frank Capra’s IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE: instead of trying to save lives, Coltan’s determined to END them. He’s absolutely psychotic, loves and hates his work just a little too much, and gets all the script’s best lines.

Apparently resigned to his fate, Micah strikes a deal with Coltan for another day of life. He then sets out to redeem himself by making amends with the curmudgeonly uncle who raised him, and exact his revenge on his evil bosses at work. This day alone has the makings of a movie in its own right, but again, nothing in this script turns out the way I expected, for just as Micah tries to set everything in his life right, he screws everything up and…well, let’s just say it all gets worse and worse.

But the central story involves Micah’s relationship with Christine, a young homeless woman he befriends, then romances, after a seemingly chance encounter. Given her name, it’s easy to see who (and what) Christine’s character actually is…so just as Coltan fights to depress Micah to the point of suicide, Christine’s determined to make Micah see the joys of the world.

(On a personal note, I have a major gripe with stories that deem suicide as a crime punishable by immediate damnation. It’s a rather harsh, immobile stance for a complex situation. To those of you who have ever experienced a loss, grief and suffering beyond words, I’m sure you can understand. Just my two cents.)

These are a lot of different subplots to juggle, and perhaps each of them feel more than a bit familiar – stuff borrowed, if not inspired from, other movies and stories here and there. But like McDaniel’s IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THADDEUS THACKERAY, which spoofed and honored animated serial adventures and buddy films, HEAVEN SPENT starts out with basic, seemingly predictable elements, but then spins them into something new, surprising, and pretty wonderful.

You see, during the script’s first half, I absolutely hated Micah. He was everything a central character shouldn’t be: passive, depressing, inert, and pretty much uncaring to all these supernatural things around him. But that’s exactly the script’s best trick: we’re supposed to hate Micah at first, so that when he finally takes the initiative to make his life (and himself) better, we get a kick out of seeing him go so far.

It’s the screenplay’s second half where everything changes. Micah soon realizes that he’s not just a literal pawn in a game between life and death, but that a third potential consequence exists: he might not even have a soul to lose, and when death comes, he could literally meet his physical and spiritual end. To add to his troubles, Micah learns that his estranged uncle is dying, and Christine, whose divine powers are limited due to certain rules and regulations, is not allowed to save him.

Micah also meets a little deaf boy named Toby, with whom he establishes an immediate friendship. Toby, you see, also survived an accident, and was convinced an angel saved him. Micah quickly puts two and two together, and (finally) uncovers the truth about Christine’s identity, while developing a paternal friendship with Toby and finding some purpose in life. And just as Micah realizes how wonderful his life has become, Coltan reappears to inform him that his days are now numbered -- for Death Itself is hunting Micah down. And so Christine, ever the dutiful protector, must prepare to do battle over Micah's soul.

As funny as the first half was, this second half works better, for not only does Micah become a stronger character, but the tone of the writing changes from cynical and overly “showy” to more honest and sincere. If Toby is a plot device all too similar to Dickens’ Tiny Tim, it still gives the material a poignancy most writers would be too insecure to include. And Micah’s romance with Christine, as well as his attempts at mending his relationship with his uncle, are genuinely touching.

The finale, especially, is dynamite, jumping from Christine’s encounter with Coltan, to Tobey being trapped in a burning building, to Micah’s attempts to evade death. (The latter struck me as something out of FINAL DESTINATION, but McDaniel insisted to me that he wrote it before that film came out.)

In McDaniel’s tale, those in the afterlife, from angels and demons to even death incarnate, are simply members of a blue-collar working class, each assigned to specific shifts, people, and places. It also throws around a lot of dark humor about religion, skewering not only Christianity but all sorts of different faiths. (That the central protagonist is Jewish also adds a little kick to a mainly Christmas-themed story.) And while heaven and hell are openly discussed (and regularly debated) by the characters, they remain more ambiguous concepts only hinted at from time to time. The script teases organized religion a lot, but McDaniel’s “world” of the afterlife is quite an original one, beset by annoying rules and regulations, red tape, and a hell of a lot of paperwork.

My only real complaint with HEAVEN SPENT is that it seems to be trying just a little too hard; McDaniel crams so much in, he writes like an overzealous party host obsessed with making all of his guests happy. The script has a little bit of everything, with a lot of funny scenes ranging from all-out farce to extremely dark and malevolent satire in the first half, to dramatic, bittersweet, even sad scenes in the second half.

On the printed page, the script succeeds in holding things together and, by and large, it all works out very nicely. But as a film, HEAVEN SPENT would require an extremely skilled director to pull it all off with a consistent tone. Think a (restrained) Terry Gilliam, Peter Jackson, or especially Peter Weir.

With so many lazy writers – and lazy screenplays – out there, perhaps I shouldn’t be so quick to nitpick an overachievement. This is a fine script, so much so that I was tempted to award it first place in the contest.

But while HEAVEN SPENT, the screenplay, was good, HOW TO SUCCEED IN HEAVEN WITHOUT REALLY DYING, the book, is even better…

...and THAT review is coming soon!

Spreading some internet love.

2007-11-06T10:55:00.000-08:00

In lieu of ads, I figured it was about time I posted a few links that I feel are particularly useful to writers and screenwriters. Some of them pertain exclusively to writing, others shed light on the industry as a whole, and some are just really good fun.

If you have a site or blog that you'd like me to consider adding, drop me an email and I'll take a look. After all, this blog can't be all about ME, no matter how wonderful I think I am...

STRIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-11-02T14:41:00.000-07:00

I hate this.

I hate, hate, hate, hate this.

Really.

The worst fears will soon be a reality, and, while I understand the hows and whys, it's a situation where everyone in the industry stands to lose. Not just the writers, but all the artisans, technicians, businessmen...anyone and everyone whose lives and careers involve movies and television.

The nature of this blog has always been to promote good writing. Whether the work is from a multi-million dollar, Oscar winning screenwriter, or a pimple-faced high school student who has yet to make their first buck, makes absolutely no difference to me.

I say this because I'm concerned that promoting the work of writers (who may heretofore be unknown and unrepresented) might be mistaken by some as a flaunting of potential "scab" writers during the WGA strike. This is not so. While I might talk a little about the industry as a whole, or at least from my own personal perspective (limited as it may be compared to more established writers), my blog is and has always been focussed on just one thing: GOOD WRITING.

If any of the writers mentioned here should be contacted by a studio, production company, or producer during the strike, I have absolutely no say or position on the matter.

OK. End of speech. I just needed to clarify things, in light of what could be a really tense situation.

A Happy Halloween...?

2007-10-31T09:54:00.000-07:00

To all who enjoy treat-or-treating, bags filled with candy, spooky happenings, horror movies, parties with friends and all that good cheer, I wish you a very, very happy Halloween.

For a lot of writers out there, it's a scary, frightening time...and not just because of the holiday. In what could be a matter of hours, a looming strike could shake things up in the entertainment industry.

There's a gross misconception that once a writer's lucky enough to make that first sale, they're either set for life, or able to live at least a little comfortably for awhile...as if a six or seven figure paycheck is the industry norm, and residual checks flow into mailboxes in continuous, bountiful waves.

You can probably guess by now what my one-word reaction is to this notion. It begins with a "B" and ends with a "T".

Yes, there's a lot of rediculous money to be made in this industry. If and when the money comes, it can be good, but you have to learn to spread the wealth and make the most of it; it may be years before you get paid like that again. Most guild members are lucky if their work brings in over $5,000 a year -- and merely becoming a member of the guild is a challenge. (It took me several years, and when it happened, it was mainly because a friend of a friend chanced upon some of my work and liked it enough to support it.)

Most "professional" writers -- and by professional I mean actively working, and luckily getting paid for it -- really aren't all that different from you. In fact, many of them probably make a lot less in their jobs, have smaller bank accounts, drive used cars, or live in rented apartments instead of luxury homes.

I know. I'm one of them.

I'm not complaining, now. I love what I do, though it can be the most rewarding and frustrating job in the world. When I sold my first script, the money wasn't much compared to VARIETY headline deals (it was in the mid five-digit range) but to me, it was all the money in the world. I quit my job, bought a (used) car, and was determined to write full time and take on the world.

Less than two years later, I was flat broke. And I absolutely deserved it.

Another friend of mine wrote a spec television pilot that was bought by Sony six years ago. Miraculously, he did it without an agent. (How, you ask? Answer: his script was brilliant.) But today, he's still sharing his Los Felis apartment with a roommate, and relies on L.A.'s inadequate public transportation system to get around. He's yet to save up the cash for a new car; his credit's in the toilet.

Sure, there's something romantic about the idea of writing full time, but how do you afford to live? Eat? Get health insurance? Smart writers have a backup plan -- they work at another job, another occupation, and make the most of their prescious free time to write.

That's not selling out. That's survival.

So when you hear all this talk about a writers' strike, give pause. It's not all about overgrown children living off of trust funds, fancy houses and stylish sportscars... It's mainly about working folks, most earning significantly less each year than school teachers and mailmen, just trying to carve out a living one day at a time.

Talk about "unsung".

Comments on the contest

2007-10-24T15:36:00.000-07:00

My review of this year’s 2nd place winner, Adam McDaniel’s HEAVEN SPENT, has been a long time coming. There were two reasons.

The first wasn't my fault. I had my computer crash on Friday, and I lost everything just as I was polishing my writeup. My second attempt yesterday morning was lost a third of the way through when I accidentally saved something else under the same document name...so that I'll take a wee bit of blame for.

It’s not that I find writing reviews to be troublesome, but doing coverage on McDaniel’s script has left me a bit exhausted. I can’t review it properly without making comparisons to this year’s other winners, Angela Schultz’s HELL FOR LOVERS and Ian Goh’s BORN IN THE RAIN…as well as comparing it to HOW TO SUCEED IN HEAVEN WITHOUT REALLY DYING, the “novelization” McDaniel made of his HEAVEN SPENT script.

OK, so there's a script review, a book review, and comparisons to two other scripts. This is a pretty outlandish situation I’m in. And it'll be round three, to boot. All this writing’s giving my fingertips scars. (I beg your patience, Adam. My review will be coming up shortly. Promise!)

I've received some emails questioning my selections for the contest, with messages like, "Were all the scripts that bad?", "Don't you like anything?", "Why are you so tough?", and "How f*cking arrogant and evil are you?"

My answers are: Of course not! / Sure I like things -- just not everything. / I'm getting more selective. / A little arrogant, but isn't calling me "evil" pushing it?

One question that might deserve a more detailed answer is why I chose BORN IN THE RAIN as my #1 pick, after going on and on in my review about its flaws and my frustrations with it. Though I don't think it's sporting to have to justify my feelings, I'll try to shed a little light on them.

First place was a close call...so close that had it not been for the limited gift prizes, I might have called it a tie. McDaniel’s script, to be frank, clearly was the more polished and tightly written of the two. (Again, I'll post the review soon.) And whereas Ian Goh’s story sort of meanders at a leisurely pace, McDaniel’s moves constantly forward, has the stronger structure, dramatic buildup, and a much (MUCH) better ending.

But I guess I just couldn’t escape the feelings deep, deep down in my gut – or under my skin? I’m not sure just where they were... but I do know that Ian Goh’s story haunted me like no other. It is obviously created with so much love and care, such deep feeling, longing and soulfulness, you can't help but embrace it in a big, tight hug. Heck, after reading it you might even feel like taking the screenwriter out for a beer.

And for that, BORN IN THE RAIN remained my choice for the best script of 2007.

Since I'm on the subject on contests, I'm trying to come up with a similar venue for book manuscripts and POD titles. This blog isn't all about screenplays...at least I'm not intending it to be.

If any of you have any ideas, suggestions, comments, etc., that you feel would improve this site (or make it more interesting), go ahead and fire me an email.

HELL FOR LOVERS by Angela Schultz

2007-10-22T18:02:00.000-07:00

I want to thank everyone who participated in our first annual screenwriting contest! A lot of the material I received was truly wonderful and exciting, so even if your script wasn’t selected, I sincerely appreciate your willingness to share your writing with me.

When the contest was first announced, my inbox was flooded with submissions, but then there was a long dry spell with only a handful of scripts coming in at any given time. Fortunately another wave came crashing down in the days leading up to the deadline…including not one, but two new favorites for 2007.

Here’s the funny thing – rather, funny things. Not only were these two scripts written by guys whose work I’ve previously reviewed… Not only did I receive them around the same time…

These two scripts, written by two different authors (whom, I later learned, also started writing their respective scripts in 1999), are both romantic comedies about the supernatural, featuring twisted notions of heaven and hell…and paperwork. Heck, they’re even both set in New York City, with situations involving the Statue of Liberty and the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and share some identical gags and jokes about the afterlife!

Coincidence? Fate? Plaigerism? Good/bad luck? Great minds thinking alike? No idea. But, as it should be with any reasonable critic, all that matters at the end of the day is that these two scripts are both really well written. Not to mention funny as hell. Literally.

Today I’ll start by reviewing this year’s third place winner, written by Angela Schultz. Angela, whose script PROGGER tied for 2nd place last year, was kind enough upon learning about my laptop troubles to email me the little cartoon you see here. It’s a fitting joke for both of us, as my computer – and her script – have hellish elements within them.

HELL FOR LOVERS
written by Angela Schultz
Contact information:
PO Box 101
Valley Stream, NY 11582
Telephone: (516) 568-9710
Email: Zhayno@aol.com

This supernatural comedy digs deep into the old adage, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions,” exploring the argument between consequences vs. good intensions with a lot of comic effect.

It follows a young man by the name of Clyde Dantes (cute name), who, while casually visiting the local dining pit (“Hamburger Heaven” – again, cute name, if not all that subtle), finds himself an unfortunate pawn in the mother of bad circumstances: a violent hold up by a charming biker fellow (with the charming, and appropriate, name of Blood and Guts) and his also-charming-ladyfriend-accomplice, Wilted Flower. (You gotta love Angela’s use of names.)

Out of desperation, Clyde, looking to control the situation through the best of intentions, manages to overpower Wilted Flower and points her gun at her head, hoping that her malevolent partner won’t call Clyde’s bluff. He’s rewarded for his bravery when, stumbling onto the scene, the police shoot Clyde dead, mistaking him for the perpetrator.

This opening scene is hilarious, so much so that the larger storyline that follows – while also funny and worthwhile – doesn’t quite measure up. But strong beginnings go a long way, and this is one of the strongest I’ve read.

What follows, of course, is Clyde’s adventures in the afterlife…and alas, it’s not all billowy clouds and pearly gates. Seemingly sent to hell through an extremely unfortunate technicality, Clyde finds the burning netherworld to be not only filled with the usual fire and brimstone, but a hell of a lot of paperwork. (No pun intended. And just you wait until I get to reviewing Adam McDaniel’s HEAVEN SPENT.) There he is forced into hard labor, where he and his fellow Damned mindlessly shovel Satan-knows-what into Satan-knows-where – slaves who, with each passing day, risk losing more and more of their former identities until they can’t remember who they were, or how or why they got there. This is the ultimate prison camp.

It’s also an unlikely place for a love story, but hey, if divorce can be hell, why couldn’t a courtship? While on duty Clyde falls for Mac, a young woman in the middle stages of dehumanization, still with the vague notion of who she is, but little memory of her former life.

Much of HELL FOR LOVERS is literally set in the depths of hell, and to say that Schultz’s depiction has scope is a serious understatement. Hell is big – huge! – and, understandably, Schultz relies on the common vision sprung from Western Pop Culture, with cloven-tailed red demons, walls and oceans of fire, writhing bodies piled high, etc. etc…

But while these scenes in hell, and there are many, are treated with suitable tongue-and-cheek humor, they also present an unavoidable problem. Hell becomes really, really tiresome.

Schultz, for her part, does her best to keep things light. It’s a comedy, after all, and a playful, broad comedy at that. But setting most of your script in such a world is a pretty daunting, exhausting challenge to ask of a moviegoer.

(Not to mention the production! What a challenge this would be to a production designer or, worse, a location scout! How the heck could you actually film this? CGI or no, you’d be looking at a budget well north of $100 million… And who would do the catering?)

The only other film I can think of that is almost completely set in a fantastic afterlife is WHAT DREAMS MAY COME…a movie that, while thoughtful and gorgeous, was also so overwhelming and bogged down with its own self-importance that its grandiose special effects became more of a burden than a blessing. And that movie was primarily set in heaven.

If HELL FOR LOVERS was a children’s cartoon, hell would be painted exactly the way we’d expect it to be. That’s precisely the problem. It doesn’t offer anything new, and while it’s big and grand and epic, it’s lacking in imagination and originality. (Think of how hell appeared in, say, JACOB'S LADDER. If you've seen it, you almost assuredly remember the scene I'm talking about.)

It’s not until Clyde and Mac escape from hell that the script really picks things up again, and Schultz’s writing returns to form. Leaping their spirits into strangers’ bodies (like Patrick Swayze did so well in GHOST), the two fight to unravel a conspiracy (Satan and his minions are fudging their paperwork to enslave innocent souls) and learn the truth about why they were damned in the first place (Heavenly angels aren’t that much help), all the while being pursued by demons through the streets of New York.

This script is…pretty out there, and Schultz dedicates far too much time on demons bantering and bickering at each other, instead of her (much) more engaging lead characters. But it’s all in the name of big, goofy, silly schtick, and HELL FOR LOVERS, though not perfect, is still rousing, engaging fun.

THE BEST OF 2007!!!!!!!!!!

2007-10-20T18:46:00.000-07:00

Yeah. I'm a day late. I know.

Last night I was right in the middle of writing up proper reviews to go with my announcement of the winners when, I kid you not, my laptop crashed. Perhaps the computer gods are not in agreement with my selections, but I couldn't blame them.

First place was down to two scripts. I was juggling them back and forth, over and over, but in the end, I decided to make a compromise of sorts. You see, the situation was a bit complicated.

Does this confuse you? Fear not, my fellow writers, for all shall be explained in good time. I will have the full reviews, the descriptions, the reactions, everything for you to read shortly.

But for now, allow me to present my favorites for 2007!

THIRD PLACE:
HELL FOR LOVERS by Angela Schultz

SECOND PLACE:
HEAVEN SPENT by Adam McDaniel

FIRST PLACE -- THE FINAL DRAFT SCREENWRITING AWARD WINNER:
BORN IN THE RAIN by Ian Goh

All winners shall receive a subscription to SCRIPT MAGAZINE, while Ian shall also receive the latest FINAL DRAFT software, thanks to the company's very generous donation.

My hearty thanks to everyone who submitted.

Winners will be announced Friday, Oct. 19th

2007-10-12T16:49:00.000-07:00

The winners of our 1st annual screenwriting contest will be announced in exactly one week!

THE FINAL DRAFT SCREENWRITING AWARD (cue drums, epic bombastic score) will go to our first place winner. It's not a trophy, but something better: a copy of the latest FINAL DRAFT software, courtesy of a generous contribution from...that's right...the FINAL DRAFT company!

The first, second, and third place winners will also receive a subscription to SCRIPT MAGAZINE.

...GAME OVER...

2007-10-01T09:50:00.000-07:00

The contest, hopefully the first of many, has now come to an end!

I've responded to every entry I've received, so if you sent me a query but have yet get a confirmation email, please contact me at once.

If all goes well, new script reviews -- and the names of the winners -- should be posted by the end of the month!

Some kind words! Contest Deadline Approaches! Adam McDaniels follow up!

2007-09-27T13:00:00.000-07:00

Though it might not have the same kind of pull as a thumbs-up from Roger Ebert, a website called Preditors and Editors ™A guide to publishers and publishing services for serious writers has deemed this blog "Worth Visiting and Reading"!

Thanks be upon you, oh wise Preditors and Editors! (Get it? Preditors instead of predators? Heh heh...)

I've ranted this before, but just in case you need another reminder: our screenwriting contest ends on Sunday night. That's three (count 'em, three) days left to email me your queries!

Finally, I've been putting off my updates from Adam McDaniels because, as he told me, one of his scripts has recently been under review by a certain, shall we say, animated TV station... and Adam wisely doesn't want to jinx anything. But he does have some news that I'm able to share here and now, so with no further ado, Adam writes:

At long, long, long last, some friends and I finally got together and launched AISLING EYE BOOKS, a new indie publishing company geared towards quality fiction and non-fiction. I'll try to spare you from the usual pretty-sounding sales pitch, but if you help us get the word out, we'd be forever grateful. By the way, we're currently looking for humorous SHORT STORY submissions for an upcoming hardcover anthology, planned for release next winter. Maybe some of your readers might be interested???

An opportunity to get published? I think so, Adam...and the site looks great! Good luck with it and with THADDEUS THACKERAY, too!

CONTEST DEADLINE APPROACHING! ONLY ONE WEEK LEFT!

2007-09-24T05:39:00.000-07:00

The subject heading says it all. You have until midnight September 30th to submit your screenplays for our first annual contest.

More reviews will be coming soon, probably this week.

Good luck!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US!

2007-08-31T11:10:00.001-07:00

They say it's your birthday-ay-ay!!!! It's MY BIRTHDAY TOO!!!!

That's right! This site has now lived for a whole year, and during that time there have been:

379: Queries emailed to me.
207: Scripts I accepted to read.
36: Scripts I read from beginning to end.
6: Scripts I reviewed.
5: Scripts I felt deserved a smaller mention.
1: Book review.
1: Contest.
0: Cease and desist orders received. (Take that, Michael Wilde!)

We now have just ONE MONTH to go before our first annual contest ends! Queries must be submitted no later than by midnight on September 30th to qualify for the contest!

Following up with Angela Schultz

2007-08-24T10:51:00.000-07:00

One of the bigger stories involving this blog concerned writer Angela Schultz, whose screenplay PROGGER was one of the top selections of last year.

Since the review was posted, a lot has and has not happened with Angela's project. PROGGER came very close to production earlier this spring, with Angela also sitting in the director's chair, no less! But alas, the project was placed on hold due to circustances beyond her control...

"To make a long story short," Angela writes, "the documentary film producer, who originally expressed interest in making the movie, has been very busy working on several docs, so I took the opportunity to pitch the project to an Academy Award winning producer who is looking for films to produce for his new company. He and his partner seemed to like the music aspect of the story and asked lots of questions with regards to the Prog Rock music market. It looks like they may be interested in developing the project, but it's really too soon to tell yet.

"Currently, they are evaluating the script and its potential, so I'm patiently waiting to hear back from them. It may be a while before they get back to me."

Angela, I have and shall always keep my fingers crossed for you. And I can relate. More than once, a project of mine has come very close to actually happening, only to fall apart at the 11th hour...and linger for months or years on end. For anyone who has achieved their big break, rarely does it come overnight; it's usually after years of toiling, waiting, broken deals and broken promises.

But that doesn't mean one should give up.

"In the meantime," Angela adds, "I am busy writing and pitching and enjoying the sun while it lasts..."

Amen, girl. While you're at it, let me take a look at that new script you're working on!

Next week I'll be checking in with Adam McDaniel, the author of IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THADDEUS THACKERAY. Adam's faced his share of highs and lows this past year, some of them extraordinary, some of them heartbreaking, all of them fascinating.

Countdown to our first birthday!

2007-08-16T10:43:00.000-07:00

This blog hits the big "01" at the end of August, so to celebrate this profoundly astonishing achievement (for those easily astonished) I asked the writers featured in my reviews to update me about their experiences, writing, struggles, etc...

Ian Goh, whose BORN IN THE RAIN was reviewed just last May (and remains the my only bona fide selection for 2007 so far), told me that soon after the review was published, an independent producer from L.A. contacted him. "It was the whole shabam with release forms and e.t.c." Ian wrote. "Now you may say that, hey, it happens all the time, but to this aspiring screenwriter this was the first!"

Ian is currently working on two new screenplays. Based on the quality of his first, I'm looking forward to what he has in store.

Dave Shailer got several queries for his script THE JEWELER'S WIFE as a result of the review. He has since rewritten it, completed a new Japanese-style horror script called DOKURO, and has been busy developing other script ideas dancing inside his head.

Shailer is also "working on a book for the UK scene," and while that sounds a bit cryptic to me, I'm all the more curious to read it.

Chris Woods writes, "I am currently writing that long awaited sequel to Hamlet... FORTINBRAS: SOUNDTRACK TO A NIGHTMARE. It is a medieval morality play which explores the dangers of absolute patriarchal power. Just as Shakespeare is considerably more complex than the Brothers Grimm (Hansel and Gretel), this is more complex than THE WITCH AND THE GARDEN and quite daunting to write because of the language. The two leads from that work, Luna & Terra, reappear as Princess Miranda and the witch, Clacinda. If this is successful as a drama, I will adapt it to screenplay form although I realize it would be an incredibly difficult script to market."

Mark York, whose AGAINST A RAPID STREAM gave the blog its first book review, has received some interest in the manuscript from book publishers. He's considering reworking it, a la a "novelization," in the future. Currently, York is writing a follow up novel about global warming, in collaboration with an editorial partner.

Be you a history buff or someone who appreciates nature, you owe it to yourself to check out Mark's website and blog. He's a man who has travelled extensively all over the country, a jack-of-all-trades who is part adventurist, part scholar and Renaissance man. Many writers (aspiring or otherwise) would do well to get off their collective asses once in a while and step out into the open world; Mark's got the right idea, and is already well ahead of us.

Next week I'll be checking in with two other writers, both with some pretty fascinating and exciting, heartbreaking but hopeful stories to share. Until then, keep those submissions coming! The screenwriting contest ends on SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 30th!

T.U.C.

Major announcement! Eighth HARRY POTTER book!

2007-07-23T12:03:00.000-07:00

Actually, I'm just kidding about good old 'Arry. Sorry about that. (I'm sooooo evil, aren't I?)

But now that I have your (not so well earned) attention, I would like to make a little announcement on the topic of books.

Ever since Girl on Demand took down her PODDY MOUTH blog (an honest shame) I've received several requests to review POD (print on demand) books. I usually turn down such requests, preferring to read either screenplays or unpublished book manuscripts.

Well... I've changed my mind!

So, for all you self-published writers out there looking to get the word out and share your writing with the world, the Unsung Critic has finally heard your plight.

If you wish to submit a POD title for possible review, email me with a query or synopsis. If I agree to read it, you must send it to me in the form of a PDF or ebook. (In order to remain anonymous, I can not have things mailed to me.)

Should enough interest come from POD authors, I'll see if I might feature some book writing contests in addition to screenwriting.

Keep 'em coming!

2007-07-13T16:24:00.000-07:00

Keeping up with the number of submissions is a little harder than I thought it'd be, so after lagging behind these last few months I'm happy to say I'm now finally caught up. I've read every script sent to me so far.

Some of you I've emailed privately, sharing some suggestions and advice. If you haven't heard from me and want to confirm that I've read your script, shoot me an email and I'll get back to you ... though I probably won't have time to give you specific feedback, or explain why your script may not have been chosen.

For those of you who sent me more than three queries or scripts, I've only reviewed your first three. I did this in the interests of the contest and to save time. Once the contest is over I'll take a look at the rest of what you've sent me. Same thing goes for book manuscripts.

We're already into the latter half of 2007, and so far I've only selected one script for review and cited five others for "honorable mentions". Why, you ask? Because I'm trying to be more selective in what I do and do not review.

On this note, I can not stress enough how important a script's opening pages must be! Remember, most script readers will toss a screenplay aside if they're not hooked into it by the first three to five pages...so if your script's brilliance doesn't reveal itself until the second or third act, it's more than likely they'll remain unread.

By contrast, if I read a script that starts out strong but bores me in the middle, chances are I'll still read it to its end. Again, first impressions are everything.

So...do yourself (and your scripts) a favor and make your openings clear, concise, and to the point. Don't waste your first two or three pages showing your main character as he or she wakes up in the morning, or looks at their reflection in a mirror, or drinks their tenth shot of whisky in a tiny, dingy bar. Those kinds of openings are not very original, and damn near sleep-inducing to a reader.

More honorable mentions

2007-07-11T16:39:00.000-07:00

I’m still sorting through submissions. Every time I think I’m almost caught up, more and more queries pop up in my inbox. So I’ll just level with you on two things.

First, I won’t say I’m down to less than ten scripts to read. Though I am. At this moment. But I will say that I’m almost completely worn out. You’re gonna hate me for saying that, I’m sure.

Second -- and you’re all gonna hate me for saying this, too -- no script since BORN IN THE RAIN has really knocked my socks off. (That’s tough to do. I’m a guy who is very attached to his socks.)

But some of what I read I really enjoyed … so it’s only proper of me to make note of them.

THE WINTERTIDE SPIRIT
by David Shailer
Email: david.shailer@tesco.net

THE JEWELLER’S WIFE was one of my favorite scripts of last year, so when David Shailer offered to send this follow up to me, I eagerly accepted. His second script was also very well written, but there the similarities end.

THE WINTERTIDE SPIRIT is a 19th century ghost story as seen through the eyes of a child. This is no horror frightfest, but a charming tale about friendship mixed with a little supernatural happenings here and there. I would have liked more emphasis on the ghost story, but on its own terms I enjoyed the script quite a bit; it's atmospheric and well fleshed out.

BILLION DOLLAR RANSOM
by Kathryn A. Graham
email: kathryn.graham@hush.ai

In the spirit of the best of Jerry Bruckheimer (c’mon, his stuff’s not all bad…BLACK HAWK DOWN, CRIMSON TIDE and ENEMY OF THE STATE were pretty kick ass, don’t ya think?), BILLION DOLLAR RANSOM is a contemporary military action/thriller involving a botched rescue attempt of oil workers kidnapped by terrorists in the Middle East.

With everything going on in the real world, this, er, Hollywood kind of story treatment feels a bit too G.I. Joe for my liking. But even if it isn’t my cup of tea, Graham tells a compelling story, crammed with oodles of military technical details and written with a strong understanding of structure and style.

CONTEST UPDATES!!!

2007-07-09T12:46:00.000-07:00

For those of you interested in submitting to the screenwriting contest, two important updates:

First, I've now decided to extend the deadline to SEPTEMBER 30th, 11:59pm PST. This gives me more time to play catch up, and hopefully will allow more writers to send their work!

Second, I must regrettably limit the number of entries to NO MORE THAN 3 SCRIPTS PER WRITER. Some of you have sent me literally eveything you have, and while I appreciate your enthusiasm, I simply can't get through it all. So if you have several scripts under your belt, send me what you feel are your three best!

BORN IN THE RAIN by Ian Goh

2007-05-31T19:28:00.000-07:00

Where have the months gone? Summer’s right around the corner and I have yet to post a bona fide script review for 2007. I can’t say that I never procrastinate, but I do try to meet my obligations. I pay taxes. I work. I shower and shave on a daily basis. Well, maybe not every day, but often enough. I still have a few more scripts to go, and expect to be done soon.

I don’t do it very often, but once in a while I invite a writer to resubmit his or her work if I think their first submission had promise. Such was the case a few months back with Ian Goh’s BORN IN THE RAIN, a lovely little screenplay that, at the time, I chose not to feature in a full review. (Though it did earn a small writeup in my previous post.) Yet when Ian recently contacted me again offering a revised version of the script, I couldn’t pass it up. Though I think it still fails to correct the significant flaws I saw in the material the first time around (more on that later), there’s so much that the script gets so wonderfully, perfectly right that I can now give it a hearty endorsement.

It’s always important for critics to keep an open mind (or is that “open minds”?), and The Unsung Critic is no exception.

BORN IN THE RAIN
Written by Ian Goh
Contact:
35 Dairy Farm Rd,
#01-01 Dairy Farm Estate, Singapore 679052
Phone: +65 98715383
Email: ighj22@hotmail.com

What a little thing of beauty this is – an offbeat, humorous, witty and bittersweet tragicomedy that balances a fine line between both cynicism and sentimentality. I could say that at times this story almost drowns in cute, gooey schmaltz, and is most certainly not a tale for cynics…but then I could also say at times it is so sharp witted, so clever and engaging, that even the most cynical minds will find much to enjoy and admire. It’s the sort of thing where you feel all sorts of emotions, leaving you both happy and sad, frustrated yet riveted, fulfilled yet wanting more.

Above all, though, I could say that BORN IN THE RAIN is a story crafted with a lot of love by a writer who actually gives a damn. How refreshing it is to read the work of someone who pours his heart and soul into his characters, rather than merely hammering out another script he thinks will easily sell.

You see, that’s the big problem I’ve had with most of the submissions I’ve received. They’re not stories, but soulless products…the aspiring screenwriter’s means to an end. (The end being that six or seven figure script sale, or a three-picture deal at Columbia.)

In the last nine months I’ve read scripts about science-fiction heroes, mafia antiheroes, superspy agents, serial killers, monsters, and even murderous shopping malls…but never have I read anything like BORN IN THE RAIN. Even with its faults, it always feels fresh and original.

The script follows the life and loves of a Brishen, a young man of oddity not unlike Holden Caulfield, Max Fischer, or Harold Chasen before him. (And if you don’t know who those guys are, shame on you.) When Brishen was seven, his father left him for another woman, so he grows up under his mother Roseline’s care -- a loving, if senile, woman.

The main story begins as Brishen is in high school, but he is not your common teenaged virgin misfit. He has a sharp, determined wit, revels in his status as a social outcast, and is surprisingly experienced in the ways of women. (The latter point deserves a significant carp, however, as Brishen’s lack of charm makes any girl who so easily falls for him a real stretch of the imagination.)

Brishen keeps his emotional distance from everyone as he tends to his mother, who is dying of liver cancer in a hospital. Her nurse is Rachel, whom Brishen was once involved, and who dutifully endures Roseline’s ruthless lunatic rantings and ravings on a daily basis. (More on Rachel later...)

Enter Amanda, a fellow student at Brishen’s high school, whom Brishen is paired up for class. Their relationship is thorny at first – Goh deserves significant credit for writing their razor-sharp exchanges – but when Roseline dies, the two teenagers form a real bond…that, naturally, soon blossoms into love.

This is not your ordinary, clichéd teenage romance, but a quirky, bittersweet and tender character study of two souls so wounded, they’re almost too frightened to love again. Knowing too well that love can be short lived, they still can’t help themselves from sharing it.

The middle act is a road trip, where Brishen, Amanda in tow, decides to visit his long-lost father. Not wanting to give it all away, I’ll just say that Brishen finds out much, much more than he ever bargained for.

The script’s first 3/4ths are often wonderful, showing not only a strong sensitivity to character, but written with a genuine cinematic style. Different moments and scenes are comically juxtaposed with dialogue and voiceovers, proving that there’s a real writing flair to go along with all that heart.

Up to this point, I only had a few reservations here and there. Unlike Amanda, Brishen’s previous love interests are neither adequately explained nor explored. Rachel, in particular, is a poorly defined character, and when she resurfaces in the script’s final act, it…

Well, I’m jumping ahead of myself now. Let’s backtrack a bit.

Another problem I had was with Goh’s use of a flashback device interspersed throughout the story. An unnamed old man narrates Brishen’s tale -- whether it’s Brishen himself isn’t clear until the end -– and while this keeps with the tone of Goh’s narrative, it adds little to the story. To use a voiceover is one thing, but to jump back and forth to redundant scenes featuring the old man seems not only excessive, but takes away from the flow of the central story.

The timeframe of the juxtaposing stories isn’t very clear, either. When the old man’s identity is revealed, it’s a bit confusing because both his story and Brishen’s story seem to be contemporary. (If Brishen’s teenage years were set in the 1950’s, it’d make more sense.)

Then comes the final act.

I’m sure it would work for some; I can appreciate what it means, and what Goh was trying to do. But how else can I say it? It annoyed the hell out of me.

Rachel makes a surprise return, and with her actions she pushes the story in a completely different direction. For me, it was the wrong one. Yes, I know life does that, but in the film it left me feeling both irritated and angry instead of moved or emotionally stirred.

This is why I was so conflicted over BORN IN THE RAIN. To use a bad sports pun, so much had worked up until this point, that when Goh threw a fast ball, I didn’t just duck. I fell onto the ground, got dirty, and had a bloody nose.

To Goh’s credit, his rewrite streamlined many of the first draft’s problems, and most of the script moves at a brisk pace. But it feels strangely incomplete. Plot doors are opened, but never fully explored, much less closed.

As it is, the final act might still work if Goh goes back and explores Rachel’s character a little more fully. Why is she this way? What causes her to do what she does? There isn’t so much as a single hint or foreshadowing about any of what is to come, and it feels jarring and maddening when it happens.

Those might seem like some really ugly warts, but the rest of BORN IN THE RAIN is truly, utterly beautiful. As frustrated as I am with it, I also love it. Like the magnificent film version of THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP – and even that movie had its critics – this is a quirky, unusual, and highly original love story that goes in all sorts of directions.

Is it commercial? Would it make money? Frankly, I couldn’t give a shit. All I know is that I will never forget it.

Worthy runners in the race

2007-04-10T12:06:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven’t posted in so long. No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth, and no, contrary to the old claims of that Michael Wilde guy, I have not been involved with any kind of sting operation. (?!?!??!)

What I have been doing is reading your scripts, lots and lots and lots of them. I have still a few more to go, but I will get to each and every one. Promise.

So…what can I say about the stuff I’ve read so far? I can’t say I’ve come across a script that I’m enthusiastic about to the degree of IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THADDEUS THACKERAY, THE JEWELER’S WIFE, or PROGGER…but there were a handful of scripts I truly, sincerely liked, and liked a lot.

It’s given me an interesting, frustrating dilemma. If I were to review them in detail, I’d have to go into the fine points of (what I feel were) their faults...and you know how picky my reviews can be to start with.

Think of it like casually dating a really nice, sweet, intelligent person who, for whatever reason, you just know it’s not gonna work out with. They’re wonderful and you like them, but the sparks just aren’t there.

Now I’m not saying these scripts don’t have sparks…I’m just saying that these would stand as “Honorable Mentions” -- they may not be prizewinners, but they certainly deserve something. And with that in mind, I’d like to take some time to share them with you.

ARLENE WENT TO WOODSTOCK
by Joanne Groshardt
Telephone: 972-644-4863
Email: joannegroshardt@yahooo.com

This is a charming, quirky romantic comedy of love and friendship, a sort of THELMA & LOUSIE meets AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER meets BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, about the middle-aged title character who, 30 years ago, had a night of passion with another woman and has never been able to forget it. She sets off to find her long-lost love, while keeping her friends and grownup son in the dark about the true nature of her gay experience.

THE FEARING
by Michael Landers Langdon Bosarge
Telephone: 917-405-8275
Email: phobicfilm@hotmail.com

A surprisingly effective teen/horror entry about five young friends who encounter a supernatural presence while on a weekend retreat in the woods. This is not your usual Hollywood slasher film, but a genuinely creepy tale of paranoia, hysteria, and phobia – and any description using three or more words ending in “ia” has gotta be good.

SINEW
by Dwhyte Star
Telephone: 845-496-5203
Email: Dwhytestar@yahoo.com

Fresh off his previous entry that I selected, THE LIST, Dwhyte’s back in razzle-dazzle action with another screenplay that manages to up the ante on thrills, violence, and intensity. When a father striving to save his kidnapped son is forced into robbing his employers – and his employers could possibly be more dangerous than the kidnappers – it brings out both the bloody best and the bloody worst in dad.

And bloody it is. Dwhyte’s one hell of an action writer, though I can only hope (pray) that it's the product of a wild imagination and not a reflection of the guy’s actual life experiences.

And finally…

BORN IN THE RAIN
by Ian Goh
Email: ighj22@hotmail.com

My favorite script so far this year is a beautifully, lovingly written bittersweet comedy/drama that can only be compared to THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP in its scope, whimsy, and (very) offbeat nature. It’s the story of a rather neurotic young man’s search for love, as well as the complete cluelessness and emotional vulnerability he experiences upon finding it.

I could go on and on about this one, but doing so would risk my giving too much away. Like with all the scripts I’ve mentioned in this post here, I am abstaining from detailed reviews so that these authors may submit revised versions of their work for possible consideration in the future.

Until then, The Unsung Critic's catching up on his reading... reading... reading...

Changes in the submission process

2007-03-19T10:56:00.000-07:00

I've been receiving more and more submissions these last few weeks. I've also been getting a lot of junk mail...

To make sure everyone gets a chance to have their queries read, I'm modifying the submission process a bit. From now on, I will personally respond to each and every query I receive, whether your script is accepted or rejected.

If I do not reply after two weeks, please send me your query again. It's possible I may not have received it...or it was accidentally thrown out with the junk mail. :-O

It's here! The Unsung Critic's first SCREENWRITING CONTEST!

2007-03-15T11:27:00.000-07:00

You're probably wondering what's with the (now censored*) photo of the cute girl in a thong. A shameless ploy to grab your attention? Not exactly. I posted it because if you type in the word "contest" under Google's image search, this is the very first pic you'll get. Seriously.

Now that I have your attention, allow me to announce...OUR FIRST ANNUAL SCREENWRITING CONTEST!

Thanks to generous support from the folks at Final Draft, Inc. and Script Magazine, we'll be sponsoring a contest...with prizes!!!

The specifics about the prizes will be announced shortly, but here's a rundown of what you'll need to know:

The deadline is SEPTEMBER 30th, 2007.
To enter the contest, you simply need to submit your stuff as usual. That means emailing me a good query first, not just blindly sending me the script itself! Any scripts submitted without prior approval will not be read. I know it's a hassle, but give me some slack...I'm a one-man operation, and profiling someone's ability to write is much easier and faster through a quick query, rather than pages and pages of screenplays.
All scripts submitted to me since 1/1/2007 are already qualified for the contest. There is no need to resubmit your work. However, all scripts submitted to me prior to 2007 are not eligible. Sorry
No more than 3 entries per writer.
Please review my submission guidelines before asking any questions. If there's an issue I haven't covered that you're wondering about, you can email me.

Good luck to you all, and happy writing!

*Sorry if my censoring the photo offends you. That thong was just a little too small for comfort.

The end of an era...

2007-03-13T09:25:00.000-07:00

I'm saddened and surprized to learn this morning that POD-DY MOUTH, a blog dedicated to reviewing the work of self-published books, is no more. :(

Girl On Demand's efforts were my main inspiration for starting this blog in the first place. I shall miss her blog's humor, wit, and wisdom, but I hope she finds happiness and success in her new ventures, whatever they may be.

OSCAR TIME!

2007-02-23T11:57:00.000-08:00

Mud-slinging. Tirades. Media frenzy. Ballot-counting controversies. Long-winded, self-congratulatory speeches.

It’s that time again…and obviously I’m not talking about the next presidential election.

Many people have been asking me about my thoughts on this year’s Oscars nominees. And however much the purist, creative part of me wants to frown on the bloated, glittery proceedings, I’ll just go ahead and admit how much I love watching it, warts and all.

Each year brings some notable exclusions from the nominations, but the 2006 Oscar race had some unforgivable sins. Everyone balked at the failure of DREAMGIRLS to get nominated for either best picture or director, but for me, the biggest oversight of all was clearly the relative absence of both UNITED 93 and CHILDREN OF MEN from the list; they were my two absolute favorite films of the year, and hardly anyone even bothered to see them. (Thanks, guys.)

There were some surprise nominations that did not sit well with me. Djimon Hounsou cried and screamed his way through BLOOD DIAMOND, a film that also squeezed an inexplicable acting nod out of Leonardo DiCaprio’s sneering/tough guy/bad accent/romantic lead…instead of his genuinely gripping, worthy supporting perf in THE DEPARTED.

Some other films I loved -- THE ILLUSIONIST, APOCALYPTO, and FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS -- took nominations in only minor categories, while others -- V FOR VENDETTA, FLUSHED AWAY, and the clever indie BRICK -- were completely, tragically shut out.

And please, somebody tell me which Academy dunskies decided to give nominations to crap like CLICK and MARIE ANTOINETTE…just so I can bombard them with spam porno emails.

Yet some happy surprises came too: The inclusion of LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE in the best picture race…Ryan Gosling, Marky Mark, and Abigail Breslin’s dark horse nominations…Paul Greengrass’ nod for UNITED 93…these restored a little bit of my faith in The Movie System.

My thoughts and predictions for the major nominees:

Best picture: Babel, The Departed, Letters From Iwo Jima, Little Miss Sunshine, The Queen
What will win: The Departed
What should win: a tossup between Babel and Letters From Iwo Jima
In a perfect world: Children of Men would have been nominated and won

Best director: Clint Eastwood, Stephen Frears, Paul Greengrass, Alejandro Gonzales Inarritu, Martin Scorsese
Who will win: Martin Scorsese
Who should win: Martin Scorsese
In a perfect world: Scorsese would have already won years ago, and while The Departed is a good movie, let's be honest; it's not his best. I would have liked to have seen CHILDREN OF MEN's Alfonso Cuaron grab the gold this year based on that film's merits, rather than as compensation for obvious oversights in the past.

Best actor: Leonardo DiCaprio, Ryan Gosling, Peter O'Toole, Will Smith, Forest Whitaker
Who will win: Whitaker
Who should win: Whitaker
In a perfect world: There'd be a tie between Whitaker and O'Toole. Whitaker obviously deserves it, but O'Toole's perf is so jolly good, one wishes that they could share the damn statuette.

Best actress: Penelope Cruz, Judi Dench, Helen Mirren, Meryl Streep, Kate Winslet
Who will win/should win/in a perfect world: Mirren's royalty all the way.

Best supporting actress: Adriana Barraza, Cate Blanchett, Abigail Breslin, Jennifer Hudson, Rinko Kikuchi
Who will win: Jennifer Hudson (take that, Simon Cowell!)
Who should win: Jennifer Hudson
In a perfect world: This is a really tough one, as everyone -- yes, even the little miss sunshine -- is deserving of the gold. Of the group, though, I'm really torn between Hudson and Breslin.

Best supporting actor: Alan Arkin, Jackie Earle Haley, Djimon Hounsou, Eddie Murphy, Mark Wahlberg
Who will win: Eddie Murphy
Who should win: Alan Arkin, whose perf in LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE is the screen's most adorable grouch in years.
In a perfect world: Brad Pitt's heartbreaking turn in BABEL would have brought him to the podium.

Best foreign language film: Efter Brylluppet (aka After the Wedding), Indigenes (aka Days of Glory), El Laberinto del Fauno (aka Pan's Labyrinth), Das Leben der Anderen (aka The Lives of Others), Water
Will win/should win/in a perfect world: Pan's Labyrinth

Best animated feature film: Cars, Happy Feet, Monster House
Will win/should win/in a perfect world: Happy Feet

Best adapted screenplay: Borat, Children of Men, The Departed, Little Children, Notes on a Scandal
Will win: The Departed
Should win/in a perfect world: Little Children

Best original screenplay: Babel, Letters from Iwo Jima, Little Miss Sunshine, The Queen, Pan's Labyrinth
Will win/should win/perfect world: Little Miss Sunshine

Anywho...those are my thoughts/feelings/guesses. I wouldn't put any money on it, but the gossip is half the fun. I'll see you after the ceremony! (Not that I'm going, of course. I just like to imagine it.)

Words of Wisdom...

2007-02-02T15:14:00.000-08:00

Long before I created this blog to review screenplays, a fellow anonymous critic, “Girl on Demand,” created her own blog to review self-published books. Just as the Gods bestowed their divine powers to a young boy so that he could become the mighty Shazam, Girl’s POD-DY MOUTH gave me inspiration to become…THE UNSUNG CRITIC!

Okay. Lousy analogy. But be you a wannabe screenwriter or novellist, you owe it to yourself to check out her blog, where she shares a great deal of sage advice about not just publishing, but the craft—and process--of writing.

Check out this excerpt from a recent post:

Before you publish you need to get an objective audience to read your book. I cannot overemphasize this enough. If every POD author did this, it would reduce the number of terrible POD books and greatly improve the ones that are being self-published.

You'd think the most frustrating part of finding good books to review would be the suffering: the traversing of absolutely horrible writing. Not so. Those texts are easy to toss aside [delete]. The painful ones are the books that are almost there, the ones that not only would be great books, but would probably find their way to a commercial publisher.

So here's what I suggest you do: Join a writing group. Regardless of what you may think, your writing is not better than the other hacks there (I was part of one for years). And take a look at how many commercially published authors thank the folks in their writing groups in their acknowledgements sections. They work--if you can take criticism.

And if you can't? Man, you are in the wrong industry.

Your book, from the first time it is released (into the wild) is being critiqued. Agents, editors, book reviewers, amateur book reviews (read: Amazon), and so on.There are a lot of things you can do to improve your novel or memoir (like hiring an outside editor) but nothing does the trick (and costs nothing) like a writing group. If you hire an editor, she may tell you to change the way a character speaks or to delete a scene or whatever. But with a writing group you get to listen to other people discuss your book, where one person may want to see a change but another may totally disagree.

Or the entire group may be telling you the same thing--in which case, that thing needs to be fixed.

Having a finished manuscript on your hard drive is not enough. I know it seems exciting to imagine it could be in the marketplace in a few months (supposedly) but if you take the time to get involved in a writing group, it can make the difference between an Authorhouse logo and a William Morrow logo on the spine.

I couldn’t agree more.

When it comes to personal frustrations over reading work that almost works, Girl really hits the nail on the head. It’s something I’ve now experienced myself reading so many scripts over the past few months--where a handful have some things really, really going for them, and a potential for greatness, but fall short for some reason.

While I want to be more selective in what I finally review in the blog, I’m also trying to interact with writers more by offering a little feedback and advice through private emails. I can’t do this for everyone (I wish I could), but I’m at least trying to do it more often.

My point is this: even the best writers need a little outside guidance from time to time. Whatever your method—writing groups, writing partners, email exchanges, etc.—try to get as much feedback as you can before taking the plunge into the deep sea of agencies, producers, and talent scouts. You'll be glad you did.

Book Review: AGAINST A RAPID STREAM by Mark A. York

2007-01-22T12:34:00.000-08:00

In this town virtually everyone and their aunt Martha is an aspiring screenwriter, but I wonder how many of them have ever taken time out to read, much less write, a book…and not just any book, but a nonfiction book. (Most people’s idea of nonfiction these days is The Da Vinci Code.)

In case you’ve forgotten, my blog also features reviews for unpublished books as well as undiscovered screenplays, and out of the 100+ queries I’ve received, only one was for a book manuscript…and not just any book, but a nonfiction book! Enter my first official review for 2007…

AGAINST A RAPID STREAM “With Arnold 1775”: Major Reuben Colburn, Benedict Arnold, George Washington and the March to Quebec
by Mark A. York
Contact:
10799 Sherman Grove Ave., #39
Sunland, CA 91040Tel: 818-352-5433
Email: mark_y48@msn.com

Yes, that title’s quite a mouthful, and while the book is similarly crammed with historical references and impeccable research, it is also written in a relaxed narrative prose which flows quite nicely, clocking in at a relatively brief 56,000 words.

This is a family chronicle of sorts, focusing on Reuben Colburn, who served as a Major in the American Revolution and to whom the book’s author is descended.

Reuben Colburn is a Major in the militia, a patriot activist, and the chairman of the local Committee on Safety. From his house in Colburntown, he travels to Cambridge three times in the summer of 1775, meeting with George Washington and Benedict Arnold, trying to help organize the Revolution. They eventually hire him to build boats for a trip upriver to capture Quebec City, with the promise that he would be compensated in the future.

Colburn builds the Bateaux and with his brothers, and Abenaki Indians Sabatis and Natanis, guides Col. Arnold and his 1,000 man army on the tortuous, ill-fated journey.

Arnold goes on to infamy, while Colburn has a successful career in local politics and becomes one of the voters to ratify the U.S. Constitution. But, in the book’s most bittersweet passage, Colburn’s fate would be to die almost penniless, as Washington never honored his promise of compensation for Colburn's efforts. Colburn's children even continue the dispute after his death, but to no avail.

I’m a sucker for history books, and I’m also fascinated by the relatively unknown tales—the smaller family stories passed down, generation to generation, which remind us that these titans of American history were, in fact, human like the rest of us. But it’s hard for me to really review a book like AGAINST A RAPID STREAM because it’s a fairly straightforward work.

As a document of history, this is to its benefit. As an emotionally gripping read, it presents a problem. I liked it, I admired it...but it also left me a bit cold.

York rather fleetingly mentions the research he made into his family’s past, involving years of traveling and exploration. This subject matter is interesting in its own right, and I wanted to know more. Perhaps if York interspersed chapters from his own life—a writer’s journey into his family’s past—with the historical accounts of his ancestors, it would give the narrative a more personal and emotional touch. I guess it depends on the type of document York is looking to create, as well as the kind of readership he hopes to entice.

Regardless, AGAINST A RAPID STREAM is a worthy read, and I recommend it.

Now if only that title wasn’t so damn long.

Part 2 of my Q&A with Adam McDaniel, author of IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THADDEUS THACKERAY.

2007-01-21T23:08:00.000-08:00

Here’s the second part of my Q & A with Adam McDaniel, whose script IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THADDEUS THACKERAY was my choice for the best of 2006. (You can read the first part of the Q&A here.)

TUC: Let’s talk a little about your writing background.

McDaniel: I don’t know if I really have one—I never considered myself a professional writer. It has nothing to do with selling or making a living, but a discipline I honestly haven’t developed yet. I write only when the inspiration hits me—I’m lucky if that happens once a year—and I think a real writer’s someone who can sit down and pound on a keyboard for x-hours a day, everyday, regardless of how tired or exhausted they are. My friend at Vassar, Jeff Davis, was always like this; he started out as an I.T. guy at Fox, working all day then coming home to write for four or five hours each night, even if he felt like shit. Jeff’s quite well known now, having gone on to create the tv series Criminal Minds. I’m not in the least bit surprised by his success. My only gripe against him is that he’s barely in his thirties and looks ten years younger, the fucker. (laughs)

TUC: You mentioned Vassar College. What was your experience there like?

McDaniel: Great, great teachers--Thaddeus Gesek, who I mentioned before, and especially Ken Robinson, who taught film production. I studied film and drama, and at that time my focus was much more on directing, production design, and cinematography than writing. I did write and direct a play my senior year—an intense, dramatic, three-hour vanity opus that had the misfortune of opening the same night as an on campus Billy Joel concert—but again, my interest was much more geared towards making short films. One that I did went on to win a few awards, and I was very proud of that. I didn’t develop much interest in writing until much later.

TUC: Well, let’s hear about it.

McDaniel: I started out by writing short film screenplays. Actually, if you want to get used to writing scripts, my best advice is to start out small—and shorts are literally the best way to do it. They serve you best as an educational experience, a way to develop your writing skills.

My first full-length feature script was HEAVEN SPENT, a dark comedy/fantasy that was like a sadistic version of It’s a Wonderful Life meets City of Angels meets The Devil’s Advocate. I wrote it in 1999, and in 2000 it was actually featured in a nice writeup on Harry Knowles’ entertainment website Ain’t It Cool News, as one of the best “undiscovered” scripts of the year.

TUC: That’s a nice bookend to my writeup on Thaddeus Thackeray!

McDaniel: Yeah! They don’t do amateur script reviews on that site anymore, so I’m glad we have you to fall back on. (laughs) That review on Aint It Cool got me a lot of calls from agents and production companies, and while everyone liked the script and my writing style, they said that the genre I was working in was too risky, citing films like Bedazzled, Down to Earth, and Little Nicky, which had all come out around this time and flopped.

TUC: Have you tried entering screenwriting contests?

McDaniel: I did on Heaven Spent, but not with Thaddeus yet. Unless it’s something major like the Nichol Competition, I think scriptwriting contests aren’t really useful, and usually they require a hefty fee that defeats the purpose of submitting in the first place. There aren’t many free contests out there. I did find one, “Words From Here,” that I submitted Heaven Spent to, and it was awarded second place. But again, I don’t like contests that charge people an arm and a leg—like what, forty, fifty bucks?—to fund “their” prizes.

TUC: Amen.

McDaniel: Yeah, so be warned: if you ever start charging people fees for reading their stuff, I’ll have a major bone to pick with you. (laughs)

TUC: Don’t worry. (laughs)

McDaniel: Well, you can charge a little. Five bucks maybe.

TUC: Not my style, man.

McDaniel: Awesome.

TUC: Looking at your website I see that you’re not only a published author, but a stunningly talented artist! Of the two, which do you enjoy more—art or writing?

McDaniel: It depends, though I’ve always been a very visual person, and would have to consider illustration to be of greater personal interest and satisfaction.

TUC: Reading the Thaddeus Thackeray script, I noticed it’s very visually written. Has your art and film experience played a part in your writing?

McDaniel: Oh, absolutely. I’ve also worked as a cinematographer and set designer, and those have helped me, too. What I like about screenplays is that you can write visually without getting too bogged down in prose. I think I’m good when it comes to visual descriptions and dialogue, but coming up with the initial concept, the basic story, has always been the tough part.

TUC: You’ve also written two books.

McDaniel: One I’m still working on, the other came out in 2002—a “novelization” of Heaven Spent, retitled HOW TO SUCCEED IN HEAVEN WITHOUT REALLY DYING. (laughs) It’s available through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and a bookstore near you. Hint, hint.

TUC: On your website you posted some big news…

McDaniel: Yeah, the book was recently optioned and is being developed as none other than a stage musical… (laughs) …the last thing on earth I ever expected! I think the workshops will begin in late 2007 or early 2008, but it depends on the composer’s schedule. He’s right in the middle of another project, so it'll be several months at least.

TUC: Will you be involved with the musical’s creation at all?

McDaniel: I’ll help only if asked. I pretty much handed over total creative control, which is fine by me as long as I get my percentage. I’m divorced enough from the material now that I think it’d be better for someone else to come in and give it a fresh makeover. I just want it to be fun more than anything else. I trust the guy in charge completely.

TUC: Tell us about the book you’re currently working on.

McDaniel: God, that’s a tough one—I need to shift gears. (sighs) It’s the biggest challenge I’ve ever had as a writer, and one of the biggest personal challenges I’ve ever come across. It’s called CHASING ECHOES THROUGH THE DARK, and I’ve been working on it with a kid named Danny Wessler for over three years.

TUC: What’s it about?

McDaniel: It’s based on Danny’s experiences back when he was 16. He’s been blind since birth, and for years he suffered from sexual abuse. It’s hard to write because not only is the subject matter very severe, but since I’m writing it from Danny’s point of view—the view of a blind man—I’ve had to abandon all the writing conventions I’m used to.

TUC: The visual descriptions?

McDaniel: Exactly. But Danny’s also a sculptor—he’s had stuff in exhibits all over the place, even in Japan—so he really has an extreme tactile sense that in many ways compensates for his blindness. But try to put yourself in his shoes. Do blind people have visual imagery in their dreams? How do they fantasize when they can’t picture someone? These are questions we explore in great depth in the book. It’s so much harder than I ever thought it’d be, and Danny and I’ve faced a number of setbacks over the last three years that seriously delayed the project. Personal things—not with each other, we get along great, but emotional things that happened in each of our lives which forced us to take a break every so often, for the sake of the book as well as our sanity. But the book is coming along, and we’re going to finish it this year. (laughs) But I said that last year, too!

TUC: We have to talk about these (Thaddeus Thackeray) concept designs you sent me! They’re fantastic. Did you do them?

McDaniel: I wish! (laughs) They’re actually the work of Jeff West, a visual effects and storyboard artist. Now I like to think of myself as a pretty decent artist, but Jeff has a drawing style that really captures what I envisioned Thaddeus to be, and I can’t draw the way he can. It’s funny…I initially came across Jeff’s work on several Indiana Jones related websites, and, never having met him at that time, thought about asking him to work on Thaddeus. But I was too shy, and didn’t...until, lo and behold, a year later I start a new job, and, on my second day, I pass the workroom of a young guy with a gigantic Indiana Jones poster plastered to his wall. We introduce ourselves…and it’s Jeff! The guy whose work I’d loved all along! We’ve become good pals now, and are now collaborating on turning Thaddeus into either an illustrated book or an all-out graphic novel.

TUC: That’s great! It would totally work as a comic book, too…though personally, I’d prefer the big screen treatment.

McDaniel: Ditto, my friend. Ditto.

###

You can see more of Adam’s artwork at www.adammcdaniel.com. To learn more about Chasing Echoes Through the Dark, go to www.chasingechoes.com.

LIES...AND THE LYING LIARS WHO TELL THEM

2007-01-20T22:53:00.000-08:00

This blog has been active for less than five months now, and during that time the support and thanks I’ve received has been genuinely overwhelming. Producers, writers (professional, aspiring and otherwise), and even casual readers have emailed me their appreciation; it is to them, and to you, that I must say “you’re welcome.”

But, as I’m sure you’re all aware, the internet has its downside. The first negative reaction I received was from a young woman whose screenplay I chose not to review; while I don’t care to elaborate, I will say that she has taken it very, very personally, and has now launched a negative campaign against all things Unsung.

The second negative reaction was even worse. Normally I would refrain from commenting on situations like these, but recent events have made it necessary. Someone named Michael Wilde recently made the following post on a popular newsgroup/chatroom for screenwriters:

"...there are quite a lot of complaints piling up against you at the writers guild, SAG and AFTRA, Editors guild, even producers and directors...want you closed down. You have been officially told on 4 occasions to cease and desist.”

While I’m sure that my anonymity may make some people skeptical as to the value of my word and truthfulness, please accept my sincerity when I say that the above statement is nothing less than an absolute lie.

Here are the facts:

I have not received ONE cease and desist order from any person or organization, much less FOUR!
I don't know what motivated Wilde to make the above statement, but he also said that he "knew people in the industry" who knew me--a fascinating (and again, completely false) claim, as I have not revealed my identity to anyone, save "Mrs. Unsung Critic."
An actual member of the WGA, SAG and AFTRA was kind enough to contact me and say that Wilde "isn’t a member of any of my professional guilds, or unions, but constantly misrepresents us."
I should mention that I myself am a member of the WGA (West), and I personally contacted their main office to see if there was any truth at all to Wilde's claim. There isn't...so this naysayer is, for lack of a better term, completely full of it.
As I do not charge fees, ask for donations, or host any kind of paid advertising on my blog, I have not made a single penny from it. I therefore bitterly resent any accusations that I am any kind of thief or “gold digger out to scam people.” (This is, by the way, in sharp contrast to messages Michael Wilde posts, trying to promote his $10,000 class and "consultation" services!)

I hope this will clear the air of any negative buzz that might be clouding the newsgroups. Thanks for letting me vent.

Part 1 of my Q&A with Adam McDaniel, author of IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THADDEUS THACKERAY.

2007-01-14T18:55:00.000-08:00

In my fourth round of screenwriters’ Q & A I spoke to Adam McDaniel, whose IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THADDEUS THACKERAY was my choice for the best script of 2006!

McDaniel’s been a hard man to reach these last few days, serving as a juror in downtown Los Angeles. I finally managed to talk to him by phone on Saturday morning. This is the first part of our interview, slightly edited for length.

TUC: How’s the trial going?

McDaniel: Oh God! (laughs) I’m not allowed to talk about it, but it’s been an interesting experience because I’ve got to see more of downtown Los Angeles in the past week than I’ve ever seen in my life.

TUC: Why did you choose to write a spec script for an animated film as opposed to live action?

McDaniel: Good question! Maybe it’s my way of trying to make things so much more difficult in my life, knowing that an animated spec is so much harder to sell! (laughs) No, seriously, I wrote “Thaddeus” as a cartoon because that’s what my imagination dictated. The idea of a cartoon excited and inspired me. I love the old Max Fleischer Superman cartoons, which still look stunning after what—sixty years? They’re fucking amazing. So I thought writing about a movie serial done in and around that time period would have a lot of possibilities. Animation, good animation, has a way of seeming fresh and timeless no matter what the decade.

TUC: Was writing a cartoon a new experience for you?

McDaniel: I’d never done it before, if that’s what you mean. It poses a lot of challenges, because animated films are usually much shorter than live action features. The Incredibles is the only cartoon I can think of that runs about a full two hours. Animated films also have a lot more action, and scenes move by faster, or are shorter in each of their running time.

The big part of it was the visual style. You can do a lot with animation that simply wouldn’t pass off in live action. I’m not just talking about character movements and scene layouts, I’m talking about the way in which audiences absorb what they see. I’m sounding weird now, I know, but cartoons simply have a unique magic that no other kind of art, film or otherwise, can really capture. You might see cartoonish sequences in some live action films—the Home Alone and Spy Kids movies are good examples. But it’s just not the same experience. Even films that try to combine those worlds, like Roger Rabbit or Space Jam, it’s not quite there. Animation stands on its own, and always will.

TUC: I wasn’t sure if the “real world” sequences in the script were intended to be live action or not.

McDaniel: No, it’s all a cartoon—not just the animated serial sequences with Dublin and Judson—

TUC: (I laugh as McDaniel pronounces “Dublin” as DOO-blin.) DOO-blin? I thought it was DUB-lin!

McDaniel: No, no, it’s… (laughing) I use the Irish enunciation, DOO-blin. “Dublin McGinn.” It sounds better, I think.

But it’s all meant to be animated. If you can have a movie within a movie, why not a cartoon within a cartoon? Funny thing is, some people in the industry who’ve read it think it would also work as a live action movie. I’m not so sure. With animated films, I think we’re even more likely to suspend our disbelief at certain things because the characters and settings are already divorced from reality to a large degree. So in a way, shooting it live action would render it more artificial, emotionally.

TUC: Who’s read it? Anything happening?

McDaniel: Yes and no. A talent scout at a major agency really, really loved the script and sent it to a few places, but there’s been no real movement on it for a while. It’s a sensitive issue, and I don’t want to put my foot in my mouth, but suffice to say he read it, loved it, and is helping me with it as best he can. He was very enthusiastic, but like you yourself said, animation’s a really, really tough sell. I’m just thankful he liked it. Same goes for you!

TUC: I didn’t like it. I loved it.

McDaniel: Wow, thanks man. That means the world to me. Everyone’s been so positive and supportive. Pity no one’s bought it yet.

The first reaction I got was from a friend who worked in the development department at Revolution Studios. I’d worked there once and passed the script along to him after just finishing it. This was back in the summer of 2003. He told me how much he loved it, but the powers that be at the studio weren’t interested. They’d just done another animated movie that was a disastrous experience, and…Oh! Our conversation actually took place just a few days before Gigli came out, so you could imagine what was…(laughs)…what was going on behind all those closed doors. Even my old boss there never bothered getting back to me about it. But that’s okay, I’m not resentful. Even if they did go on to greenlight classics like White Chicks.

TUC: Big question: Would you want Thaddeus Thackeray in CGI or hand drawn animation?

McDaniel: Oh God—hand drawn, hand drawn, hand drawn! At least that would be my dream. I enjoy a lot of CGI films, but again, there’s something about traditional animation that holds a very, very strong place in my heart. But it all comes down to story. I’ve always believed that you can have a great cartoon film even if the animation is sub par, provided that the script is great. But you can’t make a great film out of a sub par script, no matter how impressive or expensive the animation is.

TUC: What are some of your favorite animated films?

McDaniel: A lot of classic Disney. As a kid my favorite was always The Jungle Book, and now I have a lot of fondness for Pinocchio, Dumbo, and Fantasia. Some of the more recent Disney films are really great, like The Lion King and The Emperor’s New Groove—that one I think was really underrated. Pixar’s stuff is amazing, not just in terms of their animation but the quality of their storytelling. But I think my favorite animated films made during my lifetime are The Iron Giant and especially Don Bluth’s The Secret of NIMH. In fact, I think Thaddeus Thackeray was inspired more by The Iron Giant than even Raiders of the Lost Ark.

TUC: Yeah, I can see that. They’re set in similar time periods, and kind of share the same tone.

McDaniel: Yes! That’s what I keep telling people. The Indiana Jones stuff is just the framework for the story. I love Raiders, it’s my absolute favorite film of all time, but the real core was not the Indy spoof. It’s the relationships of the characters, like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. (That film) isn’t so much a Western as it is a character piece. In Thaddeus, we find out that Judson’s older brother was killed in World War II, and Judson’s still grieving at the beginning of the movie, so there’s more to (the script) than action and jokes.

TUC: Were any of the characters inspired by real people?

McDaniel: No, but there were definitely things inspired by events in my life. There’s a scene halfway through the script, when Judson’s crying because he realizes that he had forgotten his brother’s birthday the day before. That happened to me the first year after my sister died, and I felt godawful. So in that way, Judson’s like a younger version of me, only I wasn’t so short and scrawny.

Now Thaddeus Thackeray has a little bit of history to him, even though he’s not based on anyone in particular. I named him after a professor I had at Vassar, Thaddeus Gesek, who taught set design for theater. He was one of the best teachers I ever had. He was a friend and mentor—a very funny, witty, mildly eccentric and extremely brilliant mind. He could literally carve things out of milk cartons and make them into high art. Anyway, I wrote the script in May and June of 2003. It took four weeks…

TUC: That’s it?

McDaniel: Yeah, and that includes the time I spent on the opening ten pages, which I lost after my computer crashed and I had to rewrite them all over again from scratch. So when I was done, I was feeling pretty proud of myself. I saved it on my computer, closed it, and then went online to check out my email. And the very first email I get is from a fellow Vassar alum, telling me that Gesek had died less than two days before.

TUC: Oh my God.

McDaniel: Yeah, I was absolutely devastated. He had cancer, and was fighting it for years, but he was one of those guys who just had so much energy and fun about him, it’s hard to think of him gone. But here’s another thing—and I didn’t realize it until reading Gesek’s obituary a few weeks later. Doing the math, I realized that he and Thaddeus Thackeray were born approximately the same year, making Thaddeus Gesek the same age as Thaddeus Thackeray during the events of the film.

TUC: Wow.

McDaniel: Purely coincidence, but I got a real kick out of it. I didn’t base Thackeray on Gesek per se, but I like to think they shared an adventurous spirit. Maybe they still do.

TUC: How’d you develop the script?

McDaniel: I wrote it in four weeks, after brainstorming the story for a month or two. But it was unlike anything else I’d written, in that I wrote it—like that great line in Raiders, “I dunno, I’m making it up as I go”? That’s precisely what happened on Thaddeus; I made the story up as I went, with only a vague idea as to what the actual adventure would be. But all the scenes with Thaddeus and Kenny back home—in Easton, Pennsylvania, a real place—I’d thought out in a lot of detail.

I originally intended to focus most of the script on Judson’s “movie world” adventures with Dublin, and all the stuff with Thaddeus and Kenny was supposed to be just secondary, taking place between each of the movie serial episodes. But when I finally started writing it, I realized halfway into the first page that—and I swear I’m not kidding—that Thaddeus was my favorite character, and he deserved a lot more screen time. So instead of breaking up the two storylines like 80/20, I made it roughly 50/50.

TUC: Did you do any rewrites?

McDaniel: Oh yeah, but it’s funny because the first draft was pretty much ninety to ninety-five percent of what it is now. The biggest changes came after getting notes from the agency.

TUC: What’d they say?

McDaniel: They wanted more scenes with Thaddeus! I couldn’t believe it. Here was a script that I thought was already too long for an animated movie, that I thought was going to need some serious cutting, and now I was getting asked to put more scenes in! I was only too happy to oblige, and gave Thaddeus two new big scenes. From there, I went back and tweaked the whole script—cutting some dialog, condensing scenes, and trying to make it all move faster. If only all my writing could be that easy. I usually write, rewrite, and rewrite several times over to the point where I burn myself out. But the process on Thaddeus really just sort of came to me, and working with the guy at the agency was a really positive experience. The only objections I had concerned keeping the story in the 1940’s—

TUC: They wanted to make it contemporary?

McDaniel: Yeah, a present day story, which I didn’t like. I didn’t think it would work, with all the things going on in the world. They didn’t hound me on it, though--only sort of mildly, politely suggested the idea. And then we dropped it.

The other reservation I had concerned their wanting to delete of one of my favorite lines of dialogue.

TUC: Which one?

McDaniel: When Judson excitedly calls Dublin an “action hero,” Dublin gets nervous and says—and of course this is a movie in-joke—“I prefer ‘adventurer,’ kid. ‘Action hero’ has a certain stigma to it.”

TUC: (laughs) That was funny! Why’d they want to get rid of it?

McDaniel: They didn’t like my drawing a parallel to a movie that flopped, as if it would doom the script’s chances! (laughs) Good thing I decided to change the name of Judson’s girlfriend to Jessica. She was originally named Gigli.

###

To check out the second part of my interview with Adam McDaniel, click here.

Q&A with THE WITCH AND THE GARDEN's Christopher Woods

2007-01-14T17:34:00.000-08:00

In part three of my screenwriters’ Q & As, I talked to Christopher Woods about his script, THE WITCH AND THE GARDEN.

TUC: Let’s start with a little about your writing experience and background.

Woods: As I am unpublished and unproduced, I do not consider myself a professional writer. Although I learned a lot from an exceptional novelist/instructor in my younger days, it was more in the group, rather than classroom, setting. My literary endeavors have been primarily an on again, off again hobby, sometimes rewarding, more often exasperating, which places me in the same category as 98% of the world’s writers!

TUC: You mentioned a little in your emails about how the leads in THE WITCH AND THE GARDEN were inspired by real people!

Woods: In the mid 90’s, I became close friends with two teenage girls, (we’ll call them) “L & M,” imprisoned for their roles in a macabre group slaying on a desolate night somewhere in the heart of darkest America. Although this case spawned a mini-cottage industry unto itself, I was never interested in writing about or exploiting the tragedy. What did interest me was the poetry they shared with me; their memories, dreams, troubled past. I wanted to see the world through their eyes to understand how they veered so far off course, but obviously, this was not entirely possible as our lives were separated by time, distance and steel bars. Through a kind of unintended osmosis, they evolved into the leads in my own private theater.

L & M would be transformed into Luna and Terra, appropriate names considering the revolving, symbiotic nature of their relationship. Psychologically speaking, I stripped them to their barest selves with absolutely no focus whatsoever upon their horrific crime. From a purely cinematic standpoint, I wanted to avoid contemporary referencing, although, admittedly, the success of Blair Witch Project was the original impetus. I returned to my earliest childhood cultural experiences, sitting before our B&W TV, mesmerized by Margaret Hamilton and The Wizard of Oz. “I want to do that when I grow up,” but it never happened. Memories of my mother, who was entering her last days as I was writing this script, reading Hansel and Gretel and other grim tales. The Witch and the Garden was composed in a 3-4 month period in late 2001. Since the structure was to be a conflation of the two classics noted, and the garden imagery would recall The Book of Genesis, I spent little time with pre-write, outlines, etc. There was no revision, as I prefer to edit as I write, but I did add two brief scenes the following year, including the picture book prologue.

TUC: You also mentioned how you felt this would be viewed as an “art house project,” which goes against the grain of nearly every undiscovered screenwriter anxious to cry out, “It’ll be commercial!”

Woods: I believe there is a potential cult audience, both European & American, for this project, although I obviously realize it’s not studio material. I also realize it would be no small feat to tailor specific talent to a vision this idiosyncratic and personal. Hopefully, there are some up-and-coming Tim Burtons or Terry Gilliams checking out this web site, searching for unusual material. If nothing else, it would turn heads. Ultimately, it’s all about good luck and exposure and I appreciate that you’ve given me a bit of both. The fact that a surrealist horror/fantasy and an animation script were among your top (2006 selections) indicates you have pretty eclectic taste!

TUC: Any other writing, past or present, you’ve been a part of?

Woods: My first script, Leave It To Kitten: The Forgotten Episodes is a savage, ironic parody of the American sitcom, the final detonation of the nuclear family. Crux of story: the sitcom princess, Kitten befriends a troubled loner and soon finds herself in prison for a murder beyond her wildest dreams. End of story; end of life. As for new projects, I’ve been searching for a collaborator to rework a psychological suspense thriller, Waiting for Mr. Wright. Like Hitchcock’s Vertigo, it is constructed around a dramatic opening sequence and a terrifying, innovative conclusion. Unlike Vertigo, the middle is all over the place. Hopefully, a disciplined, coherent storyteller can help me navigate the memories, dreams and mayhem in this baffling script. I don’t know about other writers, but I find it difficult to go on to new projects until I have completed and perfected the old. Perhaps that is one reason I have a pitifully small number of works to my name, even though I’ve just turned 50!

Q&A with THE JEWELER'S WIFE screenwriter, David Shailer

2007-01-09T21:23:00.000-08:00

In part two of my focus on the screenwriters behind my “Best of 2006,” I talked to David Shailer, author of the WWII drama THE JEWELER’S WIFE.

TUC: How did you come to write the script?

Shailer: I was watching a documentary called The Search for Nazi Diamonds which mentioned the 'Diamenten Juden' (Diamond Jews). They were spared deportation to the work/death camps by the Nazi High Command because they wanted the diamond business in Amsterdam to continue, from records of the Adolf Eichman trial. These Jews lived in a relatively low security environment probably still in their homes. But I thought a 'work camp' would give me a nice closed space -- and lower budget! I also knew that ordinary folk were unaware what was going on in the death camps until near the end of the war. As I continued watching, an idea popped into my head about a grumpy Jew who thinks he can get his wife back in return for work and the rest is history.

TUC: What's been happening with it?

Shailer: In actual fact, the version that you read is complete rewrite number four. In between major rewrites, I keep tinkering with it, improving little bits. Based on your comments, I now see another major rewrite coming on. I like that. I often write a piece and walk away for six months. I garner a few comments from here and there and come back to it for the inevitable rewrite. I figure I'll be rewriting it until it ends up on film. Earlier versions have received favorable comments on TriggerStreet, and one version became a quarter-finalist on American Zoetrope's 2006 Screenplay competition.

TUC: What research did you do for THE JEWELER'S WIFE, and how long did you spend on the script?

Shailer: Research and first draft took about three months. But in terms of research I already had a lot of material on WW2 -- a whole bookcase. I've also watched just about every documentary that's been shown on TV. I did do some internet research on the Dutch Jewish jewelers by reading the Adolf Eichman trial transcripts. I also looked at the Dutch resistance and got it clear in my head how the war progressed from a Dutch point of view. I like to get to the point in research/writing that I imagine I am actually there.

TUC: Are any of the character's based on real life?

Shailer: No, although I did have a pretty grumpy teacher once. As the Bible says, 'There's nothing new under the sun', so I guess the characters are based on a composite of people/characters from other situations etc. But there is no single historical figure other than Goering that I based the story on.

TUC: What other projects are you involved with?

Shailer: I have a woman-in-jeopardy thriller called VICTIM COMPLEX, optioned with Just Singer Entertainment. Also, I'm writing new material all the time as well as rewriting existing scripts. Currently, I have eleven other screenplays that I continue to improve/market. Most have been favorably commented on but 'not quite what we're looking for at the moment'. It seems people like my writing but have very specific projects in mind so it's a case of keep sending stuff out hoping to hit that "in the right place, at the right time, with the right quality" moment.

TUC: Do you write for a living?

Shailer: Yes and no. Yes, I write pretty much full-time at the moment. No, I don't make a living at it! Not yet anyways. So, I regularly fall back on my past occupation in I.T. to draw in some money. That and I have a very understanding wife who runs her own business. I call her the Sponsor of the Ass…oops, sorry, ARTS.

TUC: How long have you been writing?

Shailer: For as long as I could write. When I was younger I won awards for poetry. I've had comedy-sketch scripts published, performed at national arts festivals and on national radio. I also have a book on I.T. available at most leading online bookstores -- search on my name and you can't miss. As for screenplays, I've been writing them for about five years.

TUC: What are your hopes for the future?

Shailer: To sell a script and have it produced, of course. That's my main aim in writing -- to be a 'professional'.

TUC: Thanks so much for the chat, David. Good luck on your writing!

Q & A with PROGGER's Angela Schultz

2007-01-09T17:41:00.000-08:00

I thought it would be fun to ring in the new year by interviewing those unsung screenwriters whose work I especially enjoyed, in a series of Q&A's with the creators behind each of my top three script sections for 2006.

My first interview is with Angela Schultz, whose script PROGGER was not only featured on this blog, but will go into production this summer!

TUC: Hello Angela.

Schultz: Thanks so much for the kudos!!! I appreciate all that you are doing to help promote writers and their scripts. I hope to hear more success stories in the future!

TUC: Thanks a lot. Let’s start off at the beginning. Tell us a little about your writing background.

Schultz: I have been writing screenplays ever since a college buddy "tricked" me into taking a script writing course in college. I went to the School of Visual Arts in New York City and my major was 3-D illustration and graphic design. I needed some humanities courses to fill up my credits and I was taking a creative writing class where a friend suggested that I take a script writing class which was a whopping three credits! But little did I know I had to finish a 100 page script by the end of the semester! So between going to college full-time, doing my portfolio, working part time and having a life, I had to crank out a feature-length screenplay! But that was when my love affair with script writing was born and I have been doing it for over 18 years now.

TUC: That’s incredible. Hollywood is so full of hotshot would-be screenwriters expecting to make that great big sale before they’re even out of college. But I think becoming a real writer takes time—you need to find your voice, and that process can take years.

Schultz: I have won several awards, had a reading of a script sponsored by Disney, came close to making a sale several times, met many hardships, bad agents, shysters, disappointments, joined script writing networks, read a lot books, took film courses, made some films and am now working toward the goal of being a filmmaker.

TUC: Let’s talk about PROGGER. How did you come up with the script?

Schultz: It's funny because I had just written a blog for my newly formed MySpace.com page (http://www.myspace.com/proggerproductions) which answers that very question!

Back in 1998, a magical thing happened. I was introduced to the music of the Flower Kings. One song, off of Roine Stolt's Flower King album, inspired a vision of two people falling in love while listening to the band's music. Then 9/11 happened... I was so depressed with the images and the constant reminders of the tragic and horrific events. I desperately needed something to make me laugh -- take me away from the brutal realities and transport me to world of hope and dreams... then the image of two people falling in love while listening to the Flower Kings returned... and so I closed the door and started to write.

Flash forward: Progger. I wrote a feature-length romantic comedy screenplay about the thirty-something Progressive Rock music lover who has yet to meet the girl of his dreams. Through many drafts, readings by professional actors and critiques by script readers, the script was tweaked and polished into a viable "blueprint" for a film.

Flash forward to the present. Our favorite Hollywood script reader (Editor’s note: no, she wasn't paid to say this) published a blog stating that he would read unproduced scripts and I submitted Progger to him thinking, "What the heck... " Three days after I submitted the script he gave it a positive review!

Before then, I had made friends, just chatting and being sociable, with a producer who has done feature films and documentaries. He had a script at the time that he was ready to produce. He allowed me to read it, but I wasn't too thrilled with it simply because it reminded me too much of other films I had seen. But I wished him luck with his film, nonetheless. When I received the positive critique from The Unsung Critic, I just had to share it with him, as a friend, and after reading the blog, he requested the script -- and low and behold -- Progger is now in production!

TUC: That’s great! I had no idea that my blog played such a large part in helping the project see the light of day. It tickles me to learn that. How are things going so far with the film?

Schultz: Currently, I have been breaking down the script for production, preparing the budget, casting the film, scouting out locations, seeking financing and distribution, etc... Making a movie is a heck of a lot of work!

TUC: Any other projects you’ve been involved with?

Schultz: I shot a two hour concert film with two good friends of mine of the group of Swedish band, the Flower Kings, the band that inspired the Progger script. You can see a few of my videos on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/user/proggerprod. I hope to add more soon!

TUC: Finally, is there any advice you’d like to give to our fellow writers out there?

Schultz: My advice to budding scriptwriters: Don't give up! Make your own break! Don't ever get discouraged. And most importantly, keep on writing!

TUC: That’s great Angela! And congrats on the film. I’m sure we’re all looking forward to seeing it, so keep us updated, OK?

My #1 choice for 2006: IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THADDEUS THACKERAY by Adam McDaniel

2007-01-08T12:55:00.000-08:00

I’m embarrassed to say that I had, at first, absolutely zero interest in reading what would turn out to be my favorite script of 2006.

IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THADDEUS THACKERAY
by Adam McDaniel
Contact:
601 Glenwood Rd., Apt. C
Glendale, CA 91202
Tel: 818-240-1756
Email: cinemalad5@aol.com
Website: www.adammcdaniel.com

This is an animated adventure film, and judging from the emailed query the basic premise was something I figured I’d seen a few times before…a sort of LAST ACTION HERO meets FREAKY FRIDAY meets INDIANA JONES spoof. The opening sequence is itself a comic take completely ripped from the beginning of RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, and I probably would’ve dismissed the whole thing altogether if I hadn’t laughed at it so much. It’s pretty damn funny, it’s very, very cute, and it’s extremely well written.

By page twelve, though, I realized that this was going to be a much different movie from the one I had mistaken it for. By the last page, not only had I laughed and laughed hard, but I even choked up once or twice. (The Unsung Critic ain’t no wimp, either.)

It’s rare when a spec script gains momentum in Hollywood, yet it’s damn near unheard of, if not impossible, for an animated spec script. Animated movies are extremely costly nowadays, and without the backing of a major studio like Disney or DreamWorks behind them, writers of such projects don’t stand a chance.

That’s a hell of a shame, because IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THADDEUS THACKERAY would make one hell of a movie.

It’s set in 1943, and follows a 14-year-old boy named Judson who, with his friend Kenny, sneak into a local movie theater to catch an animated adventure serial. The movie opens with one of the serials—“episode nine”—where we are introduced to our hero, Dublin McGinn, and his trusty teenage sidekick, Thaddeus Thackeray.

Dublin’s a clownish version of Indiana Jones—no less rugged or heroic, but loveably goofy and obviously lacking in the brains department. And like the famous Dr. Jones before him, Dublin has a little creature phobia that makes him go bonkers.

But the central character in all this is Thaddeus Thackeray, a pint-sized, nerdish bookworm from England with a genius IQ and a somewhat bratty attitude. On the surface, he’s the brains to Dublin’s brawn…but let’s just say that looks are deceiving, for Thaddeus has a few surprises up his oversized sleeves.

The adventure begins when, for whatever reason, Judson and Thaddeus switch bodies. Judson is now trapped as the comic sidekick in Dublin’s movie world, while Thaddeus is thrown into the real world of Judson’s Pennsylvanian hometown…and because they still appear to be who they once were (Judson looks like Thaddeus/Thaddeus looks like Judson), everyone around them suspects that the boys are either completely joking or going insane.

For Judson this becomes a literal fight for survival, as facing episode after episode of outrageous animated dangers is a lot harder than it looks without Thaddeus' expertise. For Thaddeus, it’s a somber wake-up call to an all-too-real world--a world at war, where heroes, as well as dreams, can actually die.

I know what you’re thinking…that this all seems just a little too familiar, with whiffs of LAST ACTION HERO, FREAKY FRIDAY, and THE PURPLE ROSE OF CAIRO all thrown in. McDaniel even admits this in his query, but his script manages to have a life and a spirit that is completely, wholeheartedly its own.

Once Judson manages to convince Dublin of the “body swap”—with Dublin’s lack of intelligence, it’s both hard for him to understand yet easy for him to accept—they team up to complete Thaddeus’ mission of finding the mystical crown of Therajian before the nefarious Henri Debaucherie (what a name!) can claim it for his own evil use. Meanwhile, Thaddeus finds himself like a fish out of water in Judson's neighborhood, having to brave the hell known as high school, face the local bully, and convince a team of scientists at Princeton that he's uncovered the secret of fusion power in exchange for the opportunity to get back home. And the only one who can possibly help Thaddeus is Judson’s best friend, Kenny…who isn’t quick to believe Thaddeus’ rather fantastic story. (The scene where Kenny is finally convinced holds one of the script’s biggest laughs.)

The script splits Judson’s and Thaddeus’ stories roughly in half, jumping back and forth from one world to the other. The timing, structure, and layout of all this is done with a great deal of panache and style. While the Judson/Dublin story is easily the more exciting of the two, with plot points liberally borrowed from—and greatly spoofing—the Indiana Jones series, it’s the more original Judson/Kenny storyline that gives the film its heart.

So…what’s makes this script so special?

It’s funny, yes.

It’s well written and well structured, yes.

It has a likeable story and characters, yes yes yes.

Sometimes you read something that just has a kind of indescribable thing to it—an energy, a spirit, that you can’t really put your finger on. For lack of a better word, I’ll call it...magic. And IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THADDEUS THACKERAY has magic to spare.

The friendships and camaraderie are everything here, and if the Indiana Jones inspired adventure storyline seems rushed, tacked on, even irrelevant, the charm and wit of the characters more than make up for it.

Dublin is the movie’s scene-stealer, and one of the best things about the script is how different his chemistry is with each of the boys. Thaddeus taunts and belittles Dublin so much that when Judson appears, he’s completely shocked to be on the receiving end of a child’s hero worship. He tries his best to live up to Judson’s high expectations, and actually becomes the hero he always wanted to be. Dublin may not have brains, but the big guy sure has heart. Thaddeus, too, goes through a significant change: finding himself in the real world, vulnerable for the first time, he realizes just how valuable Dublin’s friendship was.

What surprised me most about IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THADDEUS THACKERAY was how much it touched me. Beneath all the action and humor lies a bittersweet, even mournful nostalgia that’s virtually unheard of in today’s animated fare. These may be simple cartoon characters, but they’re all so wonderful, so rounded and charming, I somehow wish they actually existed.

That's saying something.

At 115 pages, the script is quite long for an animated film, but that’s not to say it’s overlong. Scenes move fast, and I can imagine a lot of the dialog being done rapid-fire, though there are some moments where it needs to be trimmed down in order for scenes to really flow naturally.

The script’s epilogue, which jumps ten years into the future, is OK and doesn’t feel tacked on, but it also seems a bit…strange. I guess it depends on your taste. Like the climax of PETER PAN, McDaniel shows some of his former child characters now all grown up, and the result might seem a bit more melancholy than the crowd pleasing, rousing effect McDaniel obviously was going for.

But this is all just twaddle. IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THADDEUS THACKERAY is not only a script that I loved reading, but a movie I’d love to see. And see more than once.

I’m even hoping for a sequel.

Coming soon: THE BEST SCRIPT OF 2006!

2007-01-06T09:55:00.000-08:00

I may be a few days behind the times, but allow me this announcement for the new year.

To all of you who submitted something to me, even if I ultimately chose not to review it, thank you for sharing your creativity. I enjoyed so much of your work, and encourage you to keep on working. Whether you write for writing's sake, personal fulfillment, or as part of a bigger dream to see your name in lights, hat's off to you!

This site has been up for just a little over four months, and so far I've posted four reviews from the scores of queries and scripts I've received. (I think the total submissions were around 100.) More reviews should be on the way for 2007 submissions, so keep 'em coming. I look forward to what's in store.

As there weren't enough selections for a "TOP TEN" list (this site's been up for only a quarter of a year, so give me a break), I'll have to cut a few corners and instead give you...A TOP FOUR!

#4: My first script selection, THE LIST--a gritty, stylish revenge thriller that featured some sly dialogue and well-thought out action.

#3: THE WITCH AND THE GARDEN, a highly original supernatural fantasy twisting themes from THE WIZARD OF OZ and Grimm's fairy tales with a frightening, adult perspective.

#2: Ladies and gentlemen, for 2nd place we have a tie! In alphabetical order, they are:

THE JEWELER'S WIFE, an absolutely gripping romantic drama/thriller set in a Jewish workcamp during WWII. Though many, many films have been set within that time and place, this script was full of some genuine surprises and kept me on my toes.

PROGGER, a wonderfully funny and charming story of a young misfit slacker who not-so-skillfully juggles his romantic relationships with ambitions for a music career. Filled with quirks and good humor, this one had be smiling from beginning to end.

And at #1...? That will be announced on Monday.

THE WITCH AND THE GARDEN by Christopher Woods

2007-01-05T15:18:00.000-08:00

“Sometimes the design is the statement.”
-Ridley Scott

This quote by the superstylish filmmaker kept buzzing inside my head while I read my next script selection. I wouldn’t define it as a complete success…actually, I’m not sure if I even liked it or not…but I’ll give it this much: the script haunted me, and is unlike anything I’ve read in quite some time.

THE WITCH AND THE GARDEN
By Christopher Woods
Contact:
111 Crescent Court
Louisville KY 40206
Tel: (502) 895 8240
Email: lovewood@msn.com

Now…how the hell do I begin to describe this screenplay?

Think of a gothic fairy tale for adults—dark, sinister, with sly references to fantasy stories and folklore of the past. What Neil Jordan’s THE COMPANY OF WOLVES did for Little Red Riding Hood, THE WITCH AND THE GARDEN does for stories such as The Wizard of Oz and Hansel and Gretel, retelling them in a mature, frightening context. It ain’t kids’ stuff.

The story follows two teenage sisters, Luna and Terra, either abandoned by, or fleeing from, their tyrannical mother and ineffectual father. (The story sways from one possibility to the other.) Lost amidst a mysterious forest called Everwood, they encounter a wolflike creature set on eating them and—yup, you guessed it—a scarecrow in a cornfield (though this one breaks into a variation of the song from the 1939 film, lamenting his lack of something other than a brain). There is even a character called “The Lord of the Junk,” and like Baum’s original Tin Man, this creature is definitely in need of a heart…if for entirely different reasons.

The main story involves—surprise!—a witch, but this cackling hag is a diabolical cannibal who not only terrorizes the two children, but would probably terrorize much of the adult audience as well.

What struck me most about the script was its visual imagery. Woods obviously has a strong eye for the fantastic, and THE WITCH AND THE GARDEN presents us with a world not unlike the ones featured in LEGEND, or the more recent PAN’S LABRYNTH.

Yet perhaps my comparing it to THE COMPANY OF WOLVES is most fitting. Both are reworkings of classic tales, told with great intelligence and care through a dark, mature voice…and peppered with some erotic, even sexual overtones. Alas, both works share many of the same problems: a lack of a cohesive central story and emotional heart, and the unsatisfying feeling that they are more polished exercises in style rather than storytelling.

Luna and Terra are little more than symbolic figures here, and while they show courage in the face of danger and obviously care for one another, they never develop into three-dimensional characters. This is a significant shortcoming that distanced me emotionally from the material. They, as with the characters around them, strangely seem like mere pawns, moving by-the-numbers through the fantastical creatures and supernatural trappings around them.

But oh, what trappings! This is a world that you can smell and feel, with bitterness as well as humor. I can’t say that I liked THE WITCH AND THE GARDEN, but a the same time, I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind. It has dynamite potential…but then so did THE BROTHERS GRIMM—and that film had a stronger story and grade-A talent behind it. (Terry Gilliam is a genius, but his film felt more like a shallow enterprise in manic energy and dark atmosphere than a soulful, spiritual adventure.)

I’d really like to see Woods give the script a complete overhaul, making Luna and Terra into more rounded, developed characters who change from, rather than merely react to, the wondrous, crazy happenings around them. Easier said than done, I’m sure.

As it is, THE WITCH AND THE GARDEN evokes more admiration than enthusiasm. But there’s something to be said for admiration...and I certainly wouldn't be writing about this script here if I didn't feel strongly about it. This is a keenly rendered vision--born of obvious imagination and intelligence--and a genuine feast for the eyes. I only wish it could have stirred my heart.

On screenwriting (Oh! And a new review comes tomorrow!)

2007-01-04T17:36:00.000-08:00

Let me start off by staying how sorry I am for the delay in getting the next batch of reviews up, but I’ve had a lot of material to read through. As I’ve said, the overall quality of the submissions are much better now, and as a result, I’ve found myself reading more scripts from start to finish. This takes up quite a bit of my time.

I’ve noticed that most of the better submissions usually fall into one of two categories, with opposite strengths and weaknesses.

First are the scripts that, while well written, lack a strong story and/or characters. There may be a strong understanding of a screenplay’s structure—pacing, descriptions, dialog and action—but the core story that is supposed to bind it all together just isn’t there.

The other category is the exact opposite—one where the writer has a very, very strong concept or premise to work with, but fails in the execution. Screenwriting is a very challenging, limiting art, where even the most gifted and successful novelists can often trip up. (Take, for example, the awful screenplays written by one of the world’s most successful horror writers...not to name names, of course.)

Some people are great at writing novels. Some at screenplays. Few at both.

For those of you who struggle with one category or the other, the best advice is to seek out a writing partner—someone gifted in the areas that you are not, and who can also play to your strengths. For most of us this idea would seem unthinkable, but you’d be amazed how much you can profit from a creative collaboration. Who knows? Maybe you can even teach a thing or two to the other guy.

My other advice is this:

If you’re unaccustomed to the screenwriting format, try to get your hands on copies of screenplays to the films you love. Many scripts are available either online or can be bought at specialty stores. (Hollywood’s full of ‘em.) This way, you can see for yourself how scenes and actions are broken down, line by line.

If you’re already well versed in movies and screenwriting structure, do yourself a favor: go to your local library and open up a book or two. Choose a novel or a memoir written by someone you’ve never heard of...it might prove to be a really great experience. (And no, you’re not allowed to select that STAR WARS novelization by James Kahn.)

The next, final batch of 2006 script reviews begins tomorrow! Aren't ya excited!

What makes a good query?

2007-01-02T15:42:00.000-08:00

I know I'm gonna get trash thrown at me for saying this, but for the undiscovered writer looking to catch his or her first big break, the quality of a query letter (or script synopsis) can be far more important than the script itself.

Why, you ask? Because a good query letter can at least get a producer interested in a script...even if the script stinks. Whereas bad query letter can... well, you could have written the next GONE WITH THE WIND for all we know, but I doubt people would be lining up to read it.

So...let us dissect the elusive art of "The Query Letter." Here is one example from a recent email I received; its author and title I shall keep anonymous.

A group of teenagers try to quit smoking. Told in the style of St. Elmo's Fire.

Sounds gripping, doesn't it? Already I can feel my fingers tingling in excitement, eager to curiously flip through each and every one of the script's pages.

Hey, I don't want to sound mean about all this, but honestly...this is not a query that exactly whets one's appetite. (Though I am mildly curious to see how that St. Elmo's Fire comparison ties into such material.)

Compare that to Dwight Star's submitted query for THE LIST, which ended up being my first screenplay selection for this blog:

Most people have one, the list of things they want to do...or people they want to get before they die. Harvey is the man who can make it happen for you, for the right price. When an old man tries to make amends for the wrongs he's committed, and get out of a business that tore his family apart, he calls on Harvey to get the job done. Harvey may not be the most professional person, but he has one guarantee: the list will be completed.

Harvey doesn't want to be known as the man who takes care of hit lists at whatever cost. That was the old man's business -- when you're cleaning money for terrorists and mobsters alike, you make a few enemies along the way.

But when the old man is on his death bed, Harvey reluctantly agrees tosettle one last score for him. The target's name is Lansky, and he has awide array of foot soldiers and assassins. Trained in weaponry and martial arts, Harvey does what it takes to get the job done -- whether dropping thugs out of windows, crushing them and their motorcycles against walls, or beating them down with a staff. He thinks fast on his feet, and his methods are not always professional.

Tired of being sucked into his father's world, Harvey confronts him, and an argument ensues. Harvey decides that the list is not worth it; unfortunately he has underestimated Lansky and the repercussions are devastating. His brother is attacked and almost killed. By the time Harvey gets back to his father's house to try to make amends, he finds the mansion burnt to the ground and he narrowly survives several attempts on his own life. Harvey and his brother decide to avenge their father and finish the list.

Now THIS query is interesting, not because it's long but because it's well written. Intriguing. I can get a sense of the writer's style, and I like it. It's catchy, and I want to find out more.

With a query letter, you're not just trying to tell the gist of your story, but the style of your storytelling. Therefore, if your script is a thriller, make the query thrilling... If it's a comedy, make the query comic... You get the idea.

Good luck, and keep 'em coming.

And by the way, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

BIG NEWS! BIG NEWS! BIG NEWS! BIG NEWS! BIG NEWS!

2006-12-20T16:12:00.000-08:00

I'd like to shout out a hearty "HIP HIP AND HOORAY!" for Angela Schultz, whose screenplay, PROGGER, will be rolling before the cameras in NYC next Spring!

And if that isn't enough to impress ya, it looks like Ms. Schultz will also be stretching her legs in the director's chair!!!

And most deservedly so, I must say. PROGGER is really a wonderful, charming script, and I'm happy that there are a few bigwigs out there who share in that opinion.

So there you have it: in the four months that this blog has been up, we already have a great success story...and some proof that The Unsung Critic is a good judge of material!

Here's to you, Angela...and to all other struggling writers out there. Put your passion to paper. Work hard. Never give up. Dare to dream.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Season's Greetings, and all-around good luck to each and every one of you.

:)

Q: Any new reviews coming? A: I'm working on it!

2006-12-14T16:25:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I posted my last script review, I know. For a while there were no new queries to speak of, but all that changed about a week ago when I sent out a "call for entries" notice to several screenwriting newsgroups. Since then I've received a large number of queries, and accepted nearly all of them. Right now there are a half dozen or so scripts left for me to finish, and I plan to do so by the end of next week.

I'm quite surprized by the quality of these recent submissions! When I started this blog back in August, I got a lot of crap. Though going through it wasn't particularly entralling, it sure was easier on my free time; I'd need only to read a few pages (usually no more than five) before confidently tossing them into my office wastebasket. Now that the general quality of the submissions has improved dramatically, I'm reading them from start to finish much more frequently.

At least TWO new reviews are on the way. The first is for a script that is very, very good. The other script is...

Well, it did the unthinkable. It actually made me glad to be alive.

A little bit about where I'm coming from...

2006-10-26T21:06:00.000-07:00

These last few weeks have been extraordinary. I don't know how many inquiries I've received, but from all of them, I'd say I've ended up accepting roughly 1/3 to 1/2. (By "accepting," I mean that I actually agree to read the person's script, based on the quality of their query.) That's not a bad number, I must say. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

When it comes to actually reading a script, well...that's another matter entirely. It is rare that I read a script from beginning to end; I can usually tell by page 2 or 3 whether or not an author knows how to write. If a script hasn't caught my attention by page 5, I usually throw the towel in and move on to something else. (This is why a screenplay's opening scenes are so crucial!)

It might interest you to know that of all the scripts I've looked through so far, the total number of scripts I've managed to completely read from top to bottom are...less than ten.

Yup. Sorry to break it to ya.

I say this because if my "reviews" here seem a bit harsh, it's only because I have a pretty high standard. Don't lose heart over my ramblings. The Unsung Critic only likes to nitpick stuff he finds interesting in the first place. So to those screenwriters, please take that twisted logic and somehow try to work it into a compliment.

I'm going to change my policies a little bit due to the increase in queries I've received. First, I'm going to be more selective in which scripts I choose to read; this means your queries better be good. Second, I'm going to try to be a little more generous with my time in reading those scripts I accept. Finally -- and this is upon my request only -- I may offer to re-read a revised or rewritten script if I feel that the original draft had promise.

I appreciate the attention this blog has received, and hope that it's beneficial to you guys in the long run!

A nice little mention

2006-10-24T09:50:00.000-07:00

I'd like to thank "Girl on Demand" for the cute little mention on her blog. No, she's not someone out to deliver sexual favors, but a dedicated reader of quality self-published books.

http://www.girlondemand.blogspot.com/

Here's what she had to say -- I think it's a riot:

"And if you think I am insane for trying to wade through the sea of POD / Self-published titles, here's a guy with an even greater mental defect than I: The Unsung Critic. Instead of self-pubbed novels, he wades through screenplays. He's going to need a life-preserver for sure."

Thanks again, Girl ...and here's hoping I can hold my breath while waiting for that life-preserver. The Unsung Critic was never a good swimmer.

THE JEWELER'S WIFE by David Shailer

2006-10-12T13:08:00.000-07:00

When reviewing a script, much like a film, there is an obvious double-standard between a lightweight comedy and a high drama. While comedies are often shunned during awards season, we, as audiences, are also usually more forgiving of their shortcomings. If a movie makes us laugh or smile, we can easily turn a blind eye to a glaring plot point, a cheesy line of dialogue, or a less than stellar performance.

Not so with drama. If a film aspires to have a high emotional impact, it’s a big, BIG challenge to pull off successfully, because so many more things are required to make it work. We’re usually so much more critical of whatever flaws the film may have, that, unlike comedies, we’re all too ready to scrutinize, dissect, and critique. Look at the recent example of the ALL THE KING’S MEN remake; here is a film with lofty ambitions, that aspires to be important…and fails. Critics are so much more willing to tear it apart, and audiences stay away in droves.

I write this because my next script selection is VERY much a high drama. In fact, of all the scripts I’ve read thus far, it has to be the most daring, intelligent, and ambitious. It is also one hell of a story. That the rest of the script falls short, in my mind, to the promise of this extraordinary tale might make my review sound overly harsh, or focusing too much on the negative…but this is only because I feel that the material has so much potential, that it has the makings of a truly magnificent movie, that it’s shortcomings seem so much more glaring.

THE JEWELER'S WIFE
by David Shailer
Contact:
14 Welland Lodge Road
Cheltenham
Glos
GL52 3EZ
United Kingdom
Tel: ++ 44 (0) 1242 237023
Email: david.shailer@tesco.net

The time is 1943. The place is a Jewish workcamp within occupied Netherlands.

Ruben is gifted jeweler who, along with a small group of other Jewish prisoners, sorts through gold and silver fillings, watches, and jewlry for the Third Reich.

The film is set entirely within the realm of the workcamp. This claustrophobic use of setting creates an extremely tense atmosphere, and highlights an even more intense plot point: that none of the workers know exactly what is happening in the outside world (or so we think). The death camps are not even whispered rumors, as the prisoners cling to the hope that their work – as the Reich dutifully tells them – contributes to the building of Jewish resettlement camps in the East.

Ruben longs for his wife, Mara, who is being held at a “transition camp” far away. When the camp Kommandant asks Ruben to personally oversee the design and manufacture of a jewel-encrusted medal for a member of the Nazi high command, Ruben is now in a position to demand that his wife be brought to the work camp in exchange for his cooperation.

The good news: the Nazis reluctantly oblige. The bad news: they deliver the wrong woman.

This extraordinary premise is just the beginning of the story, and my God, it’s a doozy. Ruben now finds himself torn between admitting the truth to the Nazis, or “playing along” and giving this woman -- whose only fault was having the same name as his wife -- a chance to escape the death camps.

Shailer explores Ruben’s dilemma from every possible angle, and he succeeds every step of the way. That Ruben can not bring himself to send this “Mara” back is made convincingly clear; not only would it endanger her life, but possibly his own, as the Nazis would obviously be insulted by any more of Ruben’s demands. Add to that, Ruben is consumed by guilt over having to pass Mara off as his bride by sharing the same bed.

And so, Ruben must do what he can to bide his time over the next three months in making the custom medal, while trying to play the role of husband to a woman who is a complete stranger…and pray that somehow, somewhere, his true wife is still alive and can be found.

Before I go on with my criticisms, let me say this: Plotwise, the pacing and narrative devices the screenwriter has used are near perfect. Not once could I put this script down. There are scenes filled with such mounting tension…with one surprise after another…I was always on the edge of my seat…and, best of all, nothing about this script was predictable.

And now come my reservations…I almost hate having to write them. They may be minor quibbles considering the overall scope of the work, but again, there’s that pesky double-standard where writing dramas is concerned.

First is the dialogue. Too often Shailer’s characters talk with such flowery exposition it renders some scenes artificial. This is an easy trap writers – myself included – fall into, particularly in writing villains. The Kommandant is an interesting character – Shailer has given him more depth than one would naturally find in a Nazi – but at times his dialogue reduces him to scenery-chewing.

Another gripe is how characters often talk about their emotions, when there have been too few scenes to really illustrate why they should feel that way. I guess it’s the common “show, don’t tell” from Screenwriting 101.

The script moves fast, and it’s only 101 pages, so I think it would be a good idea perhaps for Shailer to include a prelude where we can see a bit of the relationship between Ruben and his wife before they were taken prisoners. It’s his love for her that fuels the entire story, and without seeing it, we can’t fully experience how agonizing his plight truly is. Also, when the “real” Mara does appear near the end, Shailer gives her little to do, leaving her ill-defined -- she's a two-dimensional figure rather than a fleshed out character worthy of Ruben’s love.

Without giving anything away, the script also ends abruptly…annoyingly so. I think adding an epilogue would help give the script much more dramatic closure.

So…as it is, THE JEWELER’S WIFE is not a great script…but with a little work, it damn well could be. The story is extraordinary, and so is this script’s potential.

PROGGER by Angela Schultz

2006-09-23T15:15:00.000-07:00

Well…it happened. In the two days since my last script review, I’ve now been flooded with over a dozen new submissions. I’m not sure how many hits this page has received, but I’m hoping that this is a sign of things to come.

I should probably point out what kind of stuff I’m looking for in selecting a script to endorse. (As much as I hate using the word endorse, it is an accurate one.) I’ll start off by saying that I’m not necessarily looking for the next “best picture” winner, bajillion-dollar blockbuster, or something that has the makings of some groundbreaking cinematic and cultural event. Reading that caliber of material would be mighty swell, of course, but I don’t expect you to be on par with the likes of William Goldman, Dave Mamet, Charlie Kaufman, etc… etc…

And if you were, you probably wouldn’t need my help in getting your work noticed.

Some movies have the power to change the world. Some change our lives and the way we see things. Such films are few and far between; they come every few years, maybe a handful each decade, and their effects are profound.

But c’mon…let’s get real for a moment. Not every movie has to be The Godfather, Gandhi, Schindler’s List or The Right Stuff. Most of the time we go to the multiplexes for just a smidgeon of entertainment – a good laugh, a smile, a reason to feel an inch happier than the way we were before. It may not be braincandy…it can even be pure fluff…but if we enjoy ourselves, at least enough to not regret investing 2 hours and $10 bucks (or a good $15-$16 if you go to The Grove or The Arclight)…then it’s worth it.

It’s on this note that I’d like to introduce my next selection. It’s lighthearted, good-natured, relatively brain-free material…and it put a smile on my face.

PROGGER
written by Angela Schultz
Contact information:
PO Box 101
Valley Stream, NY 11582
Telephone: (516) 568-9710
Email: Zhayno@aol.com

PROGGER is a romantic comedy for the Jack Black/Ryan Reynolds generation. It has music, humor, cheesiness, and a lot of cuteness and charm. Though I had some reservations here and here while reading the script, its overall structure and style of writing are pretty good and definitely easy to follow.

Todd “Progger” Fitzgerald is pushing 30. His mother Rhonda – a rich, materialistic, controlling woman, who nevertheless genuinely cares for her son and wants him to be happy – constantly pressures him to renounce his bohemian lifestyle and get married already. Easier said than done, of course; Todd is just a little too set in his ways, and a little too lazy, to want to take his life in another direction.

And what a bohemian lifestyle it is. Todd’s obsessed with rock music -- his very nickname is an abbreviation of progressive rock – and shares his NYC apartment with the three other members of his band, all of questionable talents. He’s also obsessed with an obscure Swedish rock band, and plans to fly to their native country to catch their next big gig, even though the show conflicts with his obligations at work (an accounting office approaching the tax season crunch).

When a chance encounter brings a pretty girl named Alicia into Todd’s life, Rhonda’s expectations for the budding romance soar just a bit too high. Though Alicia’s a nice girl on the surface, she’s cut from a cloth all too similar to Rhonda’s, and, despite her best efforts, she’s nowhere close to understanding Todd’s musical passions, much less his ambitions for a music career.

To overcome his fear of driving, and to prepare for a potential new life with Alicia in the suburbs, Todd takes lessons from Kris, a local driving instructor. She’s down to earth and beautiful in her own right. Naturally, the two develop a friendship that deepens through the course of the story, ultimately evolving into an all-out love triangle between Todd, Kris, and Alicia.

Like virtually all romantic comedies, PROGGER is predictable. But criticizing the script for this isn’t exactly fair. It doesn’t take a sharp mind to guess what happened at the end of Sleepless in Seattle or When Harry Met Sally, even when you haven’t seen the films. Does that make them unenjoyable or unworthy? I think not.

What makes PROGGER work are the characters. Schultz injects them with such a degree of cuteness, only a real grouch wouldn’t find something to like. Todd is a bit of a slacker, and his actions often the result of a rather slow brain…but he’s so charming and earnest in his love of music, he’s a character we can all identify with.

The script has its problems. It’s made too clear, too early, that Alicia’s a girl so obviously wrong for Todd, one wonders why he bothered being with her in the first place. I would liked to have seen more scenes with Kris, or somehow have her injected into other “side” moments in the story, so there’s a bit more of a give-and-take dichotomy between the two women. Adding a surprise or two -- through either a plot element or an unexpected character quirk -- might also help give the familiar material a little extra oomph.

At 119 pages, the script is on the long side. Its middle section lags and the final epilogue seems a bit too contrived. Yet PROGGER is an all-around likeable, smile-inducing story. It may be lightweight...but it's also lighthearted.

THE LIST by Dwhte Star

2006-09-20T16:41:00.000-07:00

Well, it’s been about three weeks since I started this blog, and already a number of queries have come in...of which only a handful of scripts I accepted for reading. It’s been an interesting experience, and a bit frustrating too. I presumed that most of the stuff I’d get would be complete trash, but each one had at least some positive things about them…some little bit of charm or originality that took me by surprise…but in the end, only one script truly grabbed my attention. And while it has its flaws and is a bit rough around the edges, it was also a genuine page-turner from beginning to end.

THE LIST
written by Dwhyte Star
Email: Dwhytestar@yahoo.com
Telephone: 845-496-5203

This action/thriller rehashes virtually every cliché in the book: The world-weary reluctant hit man who sets out to finish one final job before quitting the business once and for all, only to find that (shock!) it's more than he bargained for.

Sound familiar? Absolutely.

Did I enjoy it? Hell yeah.

THE LIST doesn’t really offer anything new script wise, and, tragically, it feels a bit…well...incomplete. Characters that could have been explored and developed with more detail are left rather sketchily drawn, and there’s little to the plot beyond the familiar vengeance storyline. In style and tone, the script reminded me of the dark, gritty Mel Gibson thriller PAYBACK -- a film which, oddly enough, I genuinely hated.

So why have I chosen THE LIST as my first script endorsement? Because, truth be told, it demonstrates a definite writing talent. Star has three big strengths here, which managed to help me overlook the shortcomings of the plot.

First is the way in which the story unfolds. Rather than an over reliance on expository dialogue (so common to fresh screenwriters), Star tells his story with great efficiency of dialogue and prose, while slowly unraveling his characters’ backstories just a little bit at a time. This latter point, in particular, is quite refreshing. (For example, it’s not until nearly halfway through the script that we learn the main character’s relationship to the “boss” he’s working for – a genuine surprise that I knew I should have seen coming.)

Second strength: the action scenes. THE LIST clocks in at a fairly compact 97 pages, and many, if not most, of them are dedicated to fights, chases, brawls, fights, and more fights. There is one obligatory explosion, but (mercifully) most of what’s here is down-and-dirty, hand-to-hand combat rather than an indulgence in stupid pyrotechnics. I’m not sure how Star would envision the direction of these scenes, but I read them as more akin to those tough, gritty thrillers of the 1970’s, instead of the overblown stuff of the 80’s and 90’s -- and that’s a good thing. (What Peckinpah or Friedkin could have done with this material back then!)

The third -- and greatest – strength is Star’s knack for writing extremely sharp, dry dialogue, which alone made reading the script worthwhile. There are wisecracks and jokes aplenty, but rather than coming off as forced or cheap, they feel natural and very much in the spirit of the characters speaking them. (In writing this review I was tempted to include some excerpts here, but rather than risk giving too much away, you’ll just have to take my word for it – there are some real gems!)

So there you have it…the first official selection of The Unsung Critic’s blog. With a little bit of work -- and a good rewrite or two -- THE LIST has the potential to be a pretty decent flick…and Dwhyte Star has the makings of a pretty decent screenwriter.

Attention aspiring writers! Novelists! Screenwriters! CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS!

2006-08-31T11:11:00.000-07:00

THE UNSUNG CRITIC:

a single voice championing the plight

of undiscovered writers everywhere...

FADE IN:

INT. APARTMENT LOBBY -- EVENING

AN ASPIRING SCREENWRITER opens his overstuffed mailbox. Ignoring the pages of crumpled junk mail spilling all over the floor, he quickly sorts through the various letters in his hands until he sees a SMALL ENVELOPE, with "Hollywood Agency" prominently marked on the return address. The screenwriter rips it open and pulls out its contents:

C.U.: A single sheet of paper with a typed generic message. Beneath the text is an obviously faux-stamped "signature."

INSERT: Quick glimpses of the letter -- "Thank you for your interest...", "...while your script has many virtues and is clearly well written...", "...just not commercially viable at this time."

The screenwriter unceremoniously rips the letter apart and throws it into a nearby garbage pail.

Sound familiar?

Yeah, I thought so. That’s why I started this blog: to help spread the word about quality writing.

So…how does it work?

In simplest terms, here’s what happens:

You submit an initial query. (More on that later.)
I'll email you whether I'm interested or not.
If I am, only then should you submit your manuscript or screenplay.
If I like it, I’ll give it a positive mention on this blog. If I don’t, well…try, try, try again!

Do I have to pay anything? What do you get out of this?

YOU PAY NOTHING! My only aim is to help promote the work of writers who deserve it. There's no other catch or agenda to it!

What kind of work do you accept?

For book manuscripts, I’ll tend to read only fiction or memoirs, though I’m relatively open to other genres. I might read some short stories and non-fiction works, but I’m rather selective in that arena. I will not, however, read porn/erotica, cookbooks/instruction guides, religious/motivational doctrines, or poetry.

For screenplays, I’ll read any genre, provided that it is for a feature-length film. That means no short film scripts, no spec television pilot scripts, no unfinished “treatments”, etc…

I’m a writer and want to submit something for your review. What do I need to do?

For ALL submissions, you must follow these guidelines:

Email me (theunsungcritic@yahoo.com) a one-page query, with a basic synopsis of your book or screenplay. Keep in mind that your query letter gives me the first impression of your writing talents, so if it’s less than stellar, chances are I won’t be too keen on reading anything more from you.
I will email you a reply and let you know if I am interested in reading your work.
It's at this point you should send me your manuscript. If I like it, my review will be posted to the blog.

Why do I have to submit a query? Can't I just send you the script instead?

Please understand that I am a one-man operation, and have only so much time. Reviewing a query is a much, much easier and more efficient way for me to gauge your writing ability. If your query is well written, chances are I'll be excited to read your script, too.

What are you looking for in a query? What makes you choose one over another?

I read queries mainly to judge the quality of your writing, rather than the premise of your story. I try to be open to any and all genres, so the query review is more about whether or not you can write clearly and in complete sentences. It may sound like a hassle, but it saves me a lot of time.

How should I submit my query?

A simple email to theunsungcritic@yahoo.com will do. The query should be in one of three formats:

Within the body of the email,
An attached WORD document, or
An attached PDF file.

How long will it take to get a response?

About a week or two.

What if I don't hear from you?

If you don't hear from me after two weeks, email me the query again. I get so much junk mail that maybe I accidentally deleted it.

I will reply to every query, and will let you know if I will accept the script or not.

Why did you reject my query?

Maybe your query didn't thrill me. Don't take it personally, and don't give up on your writing! Remember, practice makes perfect, so chin up and write, write, write!

Can I send you more than one query? I have a lot of scripts under my belt.

Please submit no more than 1 query every six months. I can only read so much material, and other people deserve a shot to have their work reviewed.

My script/query was not selected. Can I resubmit it if I do an extensive rewrite?

Only if I ask. I don't do it very often, but sometimes I'll give feedback to a writer and encourage them to resubmit their work after they've made some changes. I do this for those scripts that I feel have promise, but didn't make the cut for whatever reason.

If you agree to read my manuscript/screenplay, how should I send it to you?

Email it to me as an attached MS WORD or PDF file.

Can I mail you a hardcopy?

No, sorry. My mailbox is too full of coupon booklets and porn to accomodate big manuscripts.

How should I format my manuscript/screenplay?

Screenplays should adhere to the standard American format (12 pt. courier font, appropriate tabs, etc.), and clock in anywhere from 90-120 pages. (A little over or under is OK...) If you don't know what the standard format is, look it up. I won't read it if it's not properly formatted.
For manuscripts I'm a little more flexible. The standard manuscript is usually 12 pt. courier font and double-spaced, but I'd actually prefer a single-spaced document, with wide left and right margins -- similar to a galley copy. It's easier on the eyes and faster to read.

If you end up liking my work, how long would it take for you to write up a review on your site?

Give me about three months. I know it's a long time, but I'm a busy guy! And PLEASE DO NOT email me for updates in the meantime. Again, I have this heart condition, and...oh, you get the point.

Will you let me know in advance if you've selected my work for review?

Sorry, but no. You'll just have to come back regularly and see for yourself. I get lonely, so I need frequent visitors.

When you post your review, how much of my plot are you going to give away? I'm afraid someone might steal it.

My reviews are usually very basic, with a general description of the major plot and characters. Rest assured, I am often cautious about giving too much away, as I want readers to discover the work for themselves.

Any other important things I need to know?

REGISTER YOUR WORK BEFORE YOU SUBMIT IT! This is the golden rule for all creative writing, and it's for your own good. Contact the Writers Guild of America or Library of Congress for more information.
Include your contact information with your submission, so that I can place it within my review. A great writeup is no good to you if people don't know where to reach you.

Do you review POD (print on demand) or self-published books?

YES! Just submit a query and I'll get back to you; the guidelines are pretty much the same as for screenplays. If I agree to read your book, please send it to me as a PDF or eBook.

So...just WHO ARE YOU? I have to know!

For his own safety and well being, The Unsung Critic prefers to remain anonymous. He will, however, indulge you with these four facts:

He lives in Los Angeles, and has been working within the entertainment industry for over twelve years.
He worked for over three years as a professional script reader (at two film studios and one talent agency).
He is the author of three published novels and seven screenplays, three of which have been sold, and another two currently under option. (Sadly, he has yet to see any of his scripts actually produced.)